Chapter 9
Everything seemed to rush my so fast. Before I knew it, it was February. Everything was ready for the baby to arrive, clothes and toys already bought. A small wooden cot stood proudly beside me and John’s bed, eagerly awaiting the arrival of our bundle of joy. At some times, I thought John was more excited about this than I was. Paul got used to the idea of me carrying John’s baby. I wore the necklace he got me for Christmas every day; I’d never take it off. I loved it too much; I would be devastated if anything happened to it.
One night mid February, I arrived home after visiting mum in London. I opened the door to reveal a freezing cold, dark, empty apartment. John had left me a sticky note on the fridge. It said “Gone out with an old friend from school, god knows when I’ll be back, John x.” I sighed and crumbled up the note. I placed my hand on my now extremely large baby bump and rubbed it anxiously. “What would I do until he got back?” I thought. I was nervous staying in the apartment on my own at night sometimes, in case I went into labor or something and John wasn’t here to drive me to the hospital or anything.
I lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling. My eyes slowly grew heavy, forcing themselves closed. I tried to stay awake but it was no use. I finally gave in and fell into a deep sleep.
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I awoke to the sound of John swearing. I sat up and my head spun. It was dark, I checked my watch. It was almost 3 in the morning. John struggled with the key in the door; eventually he got it and stumbled into the room, swaying a bit. He was drunk.
“Ooh, sorry babe didn’t mean to wake you” He slurred and plopped beside me on the sofa, wrapping his arms around my neck, suffocating me. He stunk of alcohol and cigarettes. I pushed him away and he frowned at me.
“What have I done now?” he moaned. I shook my head. “Nothing, it’s just you stench of drink” I replied quietly.
“Oh sod off, just because YOU can’t drink, doesn’t stop ME from having a good times” He poked my nose, laughing. I stood up and headed towards the bedroom. “Where ya going?” he asked following me.
“Bed” I replied, pissed off.
"I'll join you."He grabbed me and kissed me roughly on my neck. I squirmed away. He sighed loudly and dropped his hands.
“Fine okay, whatever you want” he stood with his arms folded.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“You act like you don’t even love me anymore Mil, I can’t stand it! It’s tearing me apart!” He replied, raising his voice. I went to reply but he held out his hand for me to stay quiet.
“And I think I know why” he nodded slowly, and then shook his head in disgust. “IT’S PAUL ISN’T IT?!” he yelled. My eyes grew wide. “Paul fucking loves you and you love him too! How had I not noticed sooner? For fuck sake Millie, I thought you had a bit more decency that to cheat on your boyfriend with his best mate?” He spat.
I shook in terror and rushed toward John, placing my hands on his chest, shaking him. “John, you can’t be serious, I’d never cheat on you, I love you… you know that!” My voice cracked.
“No” he shook his head. “It’s always about Paul nowadays…Paul this and Paul that is all I fucking hear from you” he said pushing me away vigorously. I stumbled backwards. He was fuming, leaving me terrified. "If you love little Paulie so much, why don't you run off with him then hmm?" He added sarcastically.
John stepped towards me. I shut my eyes tight and scrunched up my face, thinking he was going to hit me. He did nothing. I opened my eyes and looked at him. His nostrils flared with rage. “You’d be nothing without me!” He shouted, throwing his arms out. “Everything I’ve done for you” he continued stepping even closer to me. I could feel his hot breath on my face.
“Yanno what Ms.Sanders?” he hissed my name, making me feel sick. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that baby was Paul’s and not mine at all.” He reached up and wrapped the chain of the necklace Paul got me in his fingers and pulled it fiercely breaking the chain from around my neck. I gasped and clutched my throat. How could he even say that to me? How could he even think I’d cheat on him?
A hot tear rolled down my face, stinging my cheek. “I...I ...I hate you” I whispered, trying to hold back the tears.
“What did you say?” John spoke, still holding the necklace tightly in his hands.
“I HATE YOU” I screamed. “I FUCKING HATE YOU JOHN LENNON!”
I turned on my heels and ran out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me. John never followed me or attempted to stop me leaving. I didn’t know where I was going so I just headed for the elevator. A large sign was stuck to the doors “Out of order. Please use fire exit staircase”.
I kicked the elevator doors in frustration, hurting my foot and ran in the opposite direction in which I’d come from. I arrived at the stairs and sat down on the first step. They were a lot of them. They were cold, hard and concrete. A draft blew around me, causing me too shiver.
I thought about what had just happened trying not to cry but it was no use. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed for a good while. The hot tears stung my cheeks; I coughed and spluttered, trying to catch my breath. I heard footsteps running up the steps from a distance. I covered my face and hunched over into my lap trying to shield myself.
“Millie?” A voice asked. I knew that voice, it was Paul. I looked up, he stood and glanced up at me worried and confused. He sprinted up the final steps and sat beside me, taking my hand in his.
“What happened to you?” He asked quickly, pushing my bangs from my face. I took a deep breath.
“I…um… It’s John” I sobbed, burying my face in his chest. He smelt of cologne. “What did he do? Did he hurt you? I’ll kill him Millie” He raised his voice. I shook my head.
“No, we just had a stupid fight and he accused me of cheating on him, with you.” I looked up at Paul, his brow creased in confusion, his hazel eyes wide.
“He was drunk and he said horrible things to me and he tore off my necklace” I continued, touching my unusual bare neck. I let out a whimper and Paul pulled me onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “Sssh, it’s going to be ok, Millie” he comforted me, wiping away my tears. “I won’t let him hurt you again.”
I pulled away and looked at Paul. His lips were inches away from mine. His mouth was slightly open; I could feel his light breathing, tingling my skin. He made me feel safe. He closed his eyes and slowly leaned in towards me, his lips somewhat puckered. I wanted to kiss him so bad, I wanted to tell him I loved him but I just couldn’t. I turned my head away. Paul’s eyes shot open and he sighed heavily pushing me off his lap. He stood up and began walking back down the concrete steps in the direction he came from.
“Where are you going?” I shouted after him. “Away from you. I can’t do this anymore, I think I’m finally getting close to you, finally getting a chance, finally happy and then you tear it away from me, just like that” He snapped his fingers. “You may think my hearts just something you can toy with, but it’s not. You don’t realize that I fucking you love Millie!” He cried, turning away from me. I let him walk away before unexpectedly yelling.
“Paul, wait” He turned and stared up at me from the bottom of the staircase. “What do you want now?” I realized he was crying.
“Kiss me” I said, shaking.
“W-what?” He stammered.
“Kiss me Paul, kiss me” I whispered again. He walked up the first few steps to meet me. I ran from the top, but tripped on the first step, falling forward. Paul’s voice screaming my name was the last thing I heard before falling down the hard concrete steps, hitting everyone on the way down, blacking out at the bottom.
