Crumbling Curiosity~ By Amber E. Williams aka HeartMeDontHateMe

Cold Space

The music plays from the tv as we lay in the dark, your soft snores fill the air as I'm next to you feeling lost.

My heart longs for you and you're right here. I'm hurt. Broken and incomplete. I know you're not good for me but still I fight for you, I cry for you. I feel useless but you're using me up. I feel like I'm not and never will be good enough.

I lay next to you, but far enough to give you your space. You dont like body heat you say. So you surround yourself with pillows and I surround myself with thoughts of how pitiful I feel laying in this cold space. Lonely but not alone is the shit I must face.
I hate that I don't hate you.

I move slightly and you turn in your sleep, frustrated I get up and go to pee. I lay back down and you ask if I'm ok. I say yes to make things ok. Your snores fill the room again, I get up a little while later just needing space, this time when i return to your sheets my foot accidentally touches yours, I apologize and scoot over, you to my surprise turn me over and pull me into you. You just hold me. You hold me so tight that the heat from your body makes me not able to breathe..and I love it. I stir to get comfortable and you lock me in further. I wrap my arm around you and you stay fast asleep. This is my favorite place to be. But the worst place at the same time. You make it so hard to love you and even harder to let you go. Damn