The Switch // phan

chapter 12

Dans POV

I woke up in the hospital waiting room on an uncomfortable position. I read the note Phil had left for me understanding where I was then but something about that note didn't make sense to me, what did he mean by ¨My turn¨. I got up from the small uncomfortable red chair and made my way down a long corridor in search of a restroom. ¨Damn this man and his small bladder.¨ I mumbled to myself. Once I found the Mens restroom I quickly went and on my way back down the hall I came through I saw a vending machine. I took a wallet out of the pocket of the black skinny jeans Phil was once wearing.

I took three pounds, inserted it into the machine and received two mini bags of chips. One for me and of course one for Nan to give to her as soon as visiting hours started. I walked back to the seat I woke up in and opened the bag to begin eating them. Once I was done of course something that small wouldn't even fill up a small child.

I checked the clock on my phone that read eight thirty. I looked around for a sign saying when visiting hours would begin. My eyes locked on the bright yellow poster hanging by the exit. ¨Damn, they don't start until ten¨ I thought to myself while sliding the phone back into the pockets of the skinny jeans.

I walked outside the cold quiet building letting the sun immediately warm the pale skin that doesn't belong to me. I forgot I was not in the city today, So there is no Starbucks or cafes here. But they do have mainly just gas stations so store made coffee it was.

Unless I walk home and make a fresh cup. As nice as that sounds I have no idea where to go from here. Yes, it is a small town and easy to get around but if you're living a double life with someone you've never met before and being somewhere you've never been before. It's not simple.

I made my way down the long pavements of such an empty town. Not filled with the sound of honking cars and traffic or people having conversations everywhere you turn. It was an occasional group of people who passed you and the sound of wheels on dirt and gravel. It was peaceful, i'm not saying I don't miss the loud streets I grew up in but it's good to be in peace once in a while you know, time to yourself.

Only today, that wasn't the case. Walking down the quiet town has pros and cons. Cons being the fact that I am alone with my thoughts that are screaming the horrible possibilities of the situation Phil and I are in rather than good ones. These thoughts may be me, but one side of me never cares for the caring side of me.

I'm not sure if this is how everyone is but it's been me since I was little. This side doesn't have limits it kills me with every negative word. And now i'm walking alone down a long pavement with warm tears pouring out of my eyes down my cheeks and neck.

I can only imagine the sight of a six foot man with black messy hair, red eyes and tear stained cheeks. When I reached the store I didn't bother to wipe the sad expression on my face off.

At this point I didn't care about the stares I got from anyone who passed me or the comments I overheard about myself. I only cared about one thing at this very moment and that was Nan. The love I have for the woman I've only known for so little made me feel like she raised me. I can't lose her.

She's the first real parent I've had. Losing her will cause me to lose my mind and will to live on this horrible earth. I'm sure Phil feels the same way. After making a cup of coffee from the small gray machine in the corner of the store, I tried to ignore the awful stare the cashier was also giving me as I walked up but I couldn't. Instead I slammed five pounds on the counter and stormed out sipping my coffee while making my way back up to the hospital where Nan was.

When I arrived at the hospital I still had an hour and a half until visiting hours began so I decided to stay outside the cold hospital building and on the small brown bench in front of a bush of roses and update Phil who would be here tomorrow.

¨Hey Phil I woke up pretty early so I had time to go down to the corner store and grab a cup of coffee and now i'm back at the hospital sitting outside with still an hour left to wait. I hope you are doing okay, and I know you ignored my comment from last week about spending money on all the sweets. At points like this, eat as many sweet as your, or my heart desires. We're gonna get through this together Phil. All three of us.¨

I shut off the glowing device in my hands placing it on the bench next to me where my cup was and I laid my head back trying to drown out the awful war happening in my mind.

It was working and I began to forget the fact that I was even outside, until the phone that I placed next to me vibrated twice. I picked up the phone clicking the button on the side to turn the screen and looked at the notification that read 'Two New Messages'. I used the pad of Phil's thumb to unlock the phone and enter the message app to see who the messages were from.

¨Dan?¨

¨We need to talk.¨ From PJ. They don't know about Nan, but what could be so important that it can't wait until Monday?

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- susan