i don't want to sleep, not yet. i just spent twelve hours working and i'm not ready to wake in the morning to repeat my whole boring schedule. my inner voice taunts me, the longer i lie in that bed the more chance of sleep i have and the better tomorrow will be. but i know that between now and the return of daylight are my zombie hours - when i am mostly awake but dozing off every now and then. jeongguk and i have been working a lot these past two weeks, i could tell how much he wanted this project to be perfect. although, i knew how exhausted he was.
i awoke with no problem, but my eyes were bloodshot as usual and defined with a heavy black crease which under them, which i had to hide with a ton of concealer before leaving the house. six hours passed like six minutes and i was back at work with jeongguk again, at the spare room next to mr. kwon's office. surprisingly, mr. kwon has been in a moderately good mood these days which me, and the other employees were happy about. (a/n - im sorry for such a huge time skip, i just wasnt in the mood to rewrite every single detail again hehe)
jeongguk sat, tired-eyed, and slumped over his desk. i was tired as well, weary with the burden of long-closed eyes; i could have easily pulled off being a walking zombie, dead on the inside but subconsciously awake. what i want is sleep, a nice warm bed and night with dreams. my paperwork has sprawled over the desk by now, each minute passing by so slowly, it almost feels like an eternity. perhaps, we're overworking ourselves. this won't turn out to be a good thing but i'm sure the results will be worth it.
"tired?" jeongguk smiles at me, as i jerk awake with a start, and stare weirdly at him.
"no, i'm fine." i mutter, rubbing my eyes fiercely as i felt my shoulders start to ache.
"you're lying." he said, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. of course, he was exhausted too, he just didn't want me to know he was. classic jeongguk.
"you need sleep, eunji."
"i don't need sleep."
"yes you do."
"you know what? okay, we both need sleep but can we really help it? deadline's in a week, jeongguk." i protest, rubbing my aching shoulder blade with a worried look on my face. "and if we don't finish this by then, mr. kwon's going to chew my head off, or worse, fire me." i groan, facing him as i see his expression soften.
"i understand, this is important to me as much as it's important to you.." he trails off, eyes lighting up suddenly. "i've got an idea!"
"and that is?"
"how about we take this one day off, go to my place and watch a movie. you know, relax a little bit. you and i both need this and you know that," he pauses, eyes gleaming with hope. "plus it'll be fun."
i bite my lip as i consider his "idea"- he had a point, and it will be fun, i'm sure of that. nothing is boring with jeongguk, nor it ever was.
"okay, let's go." i replied, with a smile.
even in the soft glow of street lamps, i could still see jeongguk's face perfectly clear as he sauntered over to me and held the door of his car open for me. his skin was slightly tanned and perfectly symmetrical, he was muscular but not overly so. i wondered if he started working out again, because he did look really good. i giggled lightly and stepped inside his car, as the aroma of strong aftershave and his cologne hit me and i felt overwhelmed. it really had been long. the engine growled up the street as i tried to make small talk with him every now and then to prevent awkward silence but i really didn't have to try, we never ran out of topics to talk about until we reached his house.
the house looked like a cut out from architects today magazine, that my mom used to love reading. it was beautiful, looked like it was very new, as if it was built last week. it looked almost too new in some strange way, way too huge for one person to live in though. inside was minimalist. the walls were fashionable shades of white and the floor polished with shiny tiles.
a wave of nostalgia hit me as i remembered this was his dream house, the one he was dying to have built for us. i remember each speck of it, from the white orchids on the dark cherry, coffee table to the floating stairway leading to the upper floor.
"j-jeongguk, is this..?" i gasped, trailing off as i looked around.
"yes, eunji, the same house i wanted for us whenever we got married. i guess things just didn't really work out for us, did they?" he spoke, standing in front of me with a sad smile. "time is so cruel, but fate isn't any better."
"i really don't know what to say. this house is stunning, it really is." i replied, hoping my words would comfort him even though i knew it was a poor try.
"come on, let's go upstairs." he suddenly gave me a bright smile, walking ahead on the staircase with my hand clutched into his as i follow him behind. i know he wants answers, a way to fix me, to restore this person to something as magical as he is. though, there is only one person who can fix me, and that's me. i have to pull myself up. find a way to shine, to kick off the shadows of the past and open up to him, like a flower blossoming in spring.
we enter his bedroom which was moderately large. consisting of a king sized bed, plasma screen and a walk-in closet. the bed was not pushed up against a wall but more central with an elaborate mahogany headboard. what shocked me most what was on the night stand, a picture of 18 year old's, me and jeongguk smiling brightly at the camera with his arm tucked in my waist. i crouch down beside the nightstand, grabbing the photo frame in awe.
"i- you still have this?" i ask him, still not taking my eyes off the picture as i felt his presence beside me.
"whenever i look at this picture, i feel like i can breathe once more. like what happened was- isn't real and that someday you will come back to me when fate might give us another chance; another chance to revive." he spoke softly, sounding like an absolute angel as i felt his breath hitting my neck and i almost wanted to cry right there in his arms.
"you were never the problem, jeongguk. my imagination was. i could have made up any story: nice, kind, realistically boring. but instead it was my paranoia who held the script-writer's pen. it inked in you ignoring me instead of simply being busy. it inked in feelings you held towards her, romantic feelings. i felt so empty inside, my own inner war with myself, that i stopped seeing you for who you are, stopped using my heart as my eyes. this breakup happened long ago, and that's why we've been so lonely, craving for each other's presence and oh my god. i fucking miss you."
jeongguk listens to me with such pure emotions in his eyes when i looked back at him, i could feel him searching deep into my soul. we stared at each other until tears arose, and we found ourselves crying. i felt an urge to do something, to comfort him, but also myself. in a moment i pressed my lips against his, felt his body loosen and arms around my waist.
i sniffled, keeping my arms around his neck as he opens his mouth to say something. "isn't it obvious that i missed you too?"
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