Sensitive [Phan]

1 - O N E - 1

Phil's POV

   The cool night air surrounds my body as I wake up to beams of moon light hitting my face. I grab the blanket and use it to pull over my head as a last hope for more sleep. With my vision dark again I try to slip back into slumber, but fail as my phone buzzes. I reach out of my fluffy blanket cocoon for the phone that is somewhere in the sea that is my bed, feeling success as I bring it up to my eyes, blinking as I try to adjust.

   "Phil! Come to a party with me and Chris! It will be fun and we won't let you go home with a rando this time :p  -PJ" 

The message sits on my lock screen, looming over my current hazy state. PJ had a tendency to message me at the worst times, always begging me to do things with him. I normally don't mind, but after being in such a comfortable position, I am reluctant to even move. 

   This is the last thing I want to do today. Get up, get dressed, go somewhere, meet people, try life, not my ideal Saturday plans. Especially since I was still hung over and tired from sleeping all day due to the traumas of yesterday's party. Chris and Pj let me drink and drink and drink until I was walking off with some anonymous stranger. I woke up in the early morning, confused by the unfamiliar house. I then proceeded to call a taxi and slip my way back into my own bed, sleeping the rest of the day. Not one of my proudest moments I must say, however it kept me occupied. Part of me liked the distraction from everyday life. It allowed me to keep my sanity, or at least keep it inside anyway. Sure, I might have a mental break down in a month or so, but heaven forbid I talk about my feelings. 

I definitely don't need another party right now and my aching body and pounding head seem to agree. Hunger attacks my stomach and I'm reminded of how terrible it would be to eat right now. Eating food makes you fat. No way I'm eating right now. I unlock my phone and scroll through social media until a message from PJ abruptly interjects my reading.

"Please. I know you need the distraction. -PJ" My stomach growls as I read and suddenly a party doesn't seem like that bad of an idea. 

   I push my arms above my head and straighten my legs, turning my body into a twig. The warm cocoon is ruined as the fresh air seeps into the blanket nest  A large yawn escapes my mouth as I take a few seconds to fully stretch before swinging my legs over the bed. I push myself up, ensuring to balance myself with a hand against the wall, and leave my room. It's even colder in the hallway, but I suffer through and walk into the bathroom down the hall. The old wooden door opens with a creak and I'm not surprised when the small room is completely empty, missing everything that your usual 'family bathroom' would have. Nothing except the shower, toilet, and sink lie around. After we moved in many years ago we didn't bother decorating, to busy with our own things to even think about it.

 Normally it is just me and my older brother home, so I don't worry to much about privacy. Mom is always away on 'work', however many theories were created over the years by me and Martin. We often joke about it, even though we know deep down half of them are probably true.

 I cancel my train of thought, closing the door and laying down a towel near the base of the shower. I strip down and hop in the warm, steamy water. After about an hour of showering and washing up I head into my room and look in the mirror.

   The shell of my skinny, scrawny, scared body stares back at me. I didn't always use to be this way, but over time I kind of grew on myself. I'm not bullied, I don't have a bad life, I'm just not happy. I think I'm fat for some reason and I harm myself so I feel something instead of hollowness. I've debated telling people so I could get help, but to me it's not bad. It's not serious. Plus, I deserve to suffer anyway.

   My phone dings as Pj messaged me again, but I ignore it as I put on some clothes. I slip on some black skinny jeans, a grey shirt, and a red beanie. The black skinny jeans have holes by the knee which contrast my pale skin. The same goes for my dark black hair that is messily fitted under my slump of a smooth hat.

   Phone in hand, I make my way downstairs. While going out the door I yell goodbye to my brother, who is sitting on the sofa. Our living room is connected to the kitchen and we lack any sort of dining room. It was unnecessary anyway, due to the fact we never ate dinner as a family, or really any dinner at all. Sometimes Martin would order a pizza and we both would sit on out black faded couch, enjoying the light sound of the television. However, the older we got the less this happened. Thinking of it makes me kind of miss when it used to occur. I take a seat on the cracked cement stairs of the house, just outside the front door, as I wait in the chilled weather for Chris and Pj to pick me up. I ponder if they are running later or I'm just early. Knowing them, they were probably to busy enjoying each others company to realize the time. They are in love with each other and have been for quite some time. It's actually hard for me to remember Pj without Chris.

I pull out my phone to pass the time and open tinder. I downloaded it as a joke because me and the duo got bored one afternoon, but I find myself going on it even more these days. I swipe past multiple people, stopping at funny ones and reading cringe bios. Just like the parties, it's only a distraction. A distraction from the world around me, the headache that is still prominently fogging my brain, and the hunger swirling in my stomach.