If I Could Fly

Bakery

It takes us another two full hours to get Freddie bathed, dressed and fed thanks to the excitement of Harry being here, but we eventually get it done. I'm in the back room loading in his coco pops stained pyjamas when the doorbell goes for the second time today.

"Daddy, it's Uncle Liam!" Freddie shouts to me

"Let him in then you nana, I'll be through in a second!" I shout back

A few seconds later I hear a "Liiiiiaaaaaaam!" Accompanied by an excited cheer from Freddie.

I finish loading up the washing machine and go through to the lounge where Freddie is currently clinging onto Liam's legs.
"Freddie, jump down matey, you have the whole day to play with Uncle Li-Li"

"Zayn should be here in a minute too"

"Oh!" I say I'm surprise "when did lover-boy get here? I didn't know he was in the Uk?"

"Yeh, we made last-minute plans to spent a week or so together, and he got here last night so he's gonna meet me here if that's ok?"

"Yessssss! Uncle Zayn AND Uncle Liam! We're going to have sooooo much fun! Wait, Liam did you know that Harry is here? Like actual real Harry is at my house?!" Freddie says, despite the fact that 'actual real Harry' is standing just to the left of him.

"Hey, don't go having too much fun little one, we want the house standing when I get back, and do you want to introduce them?"

"Harry this is uncle Liam, or LiLi, or Lima bean when Daddy gets annoyed with him, but uncle Liam doesn't like it when Daddy calls him Lima bean and I'm nice so I don't call him it." Freddie says seriously, and then he turns to Liam. "this is Harry's, uncle Li. He's cool, he even sayed I was good at playing my guitar! Oh! I have to show you! I got a new sticker from School!" Freddie then bounds off excitedly, probably to find his new sticker.

"It's nice to finally meet you mate, I've heard an awful lot about you..." Liam says to Harry, looking pointedly at me after he's finished.
"What?..." I question to which I only get raised eyebrows as an answer, and then Freddie comes bounding back into the hallway, sticker in hand.

"I just need to talk to Daddy about something Freddie, can you show Harry your new sticker so long?" Liam says while leading me into the kitchen. He spins round and closes the door abruptly, so the boys can't hear what we're saying.

I swallow nervously, clearing my throat before I speak
"Yes?"
"What's he doing here?"
"I'm not really sure to be honest... he wants to talk..."
"He better be nice, or he'll being having a talk with my fist. Louis, I saw what he did to you, and that prick had better behave his little ass"
"Thanks Liam, but I think it's different this time..."
"He had better be bloody different I swear..."
"Li, it's ok, really" I plead, but I'm trying to convince myself as much as I'm trying to convince him.

"...ok then" he sighs, but then he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively "talking about his ass" Liam begins
"LIAM!" I shriek
"Don't forget to use protection!" He calls out as I rush out of the room, face nearly as hot as the sun.

~~~

Thirty minutes later and Harry and I finally make it into my car, Zayn and Liam's little reunion lasted a full 20 minutes and I just hope that can keep their hands off each other long enough to watch Freddie.

"So where are we off to then Styles?"

"What about the old bakery I used to work at? It'll be quiet in there"

"Sure, wherever you think is best" I say, turning the engine on to find Kiwi suddenly blasting through my speakers. I whack the volume down immediately, and apologise before removing the CD and putting it back in its case.

"What can I say? He has good taste in music" Harry chuckles

"He doesn't bloody stop with Kiwi, if he wasn't already completely obsessed with you, that song takes it to a whole new level." I huff, adding "Well, that and If I Could Fly" at the mention of the song I'm taken back to the other night in Harry's dressing room and the atmosphere suddenly becomes heavy with words unsaid.

I drive for a few minutes in a heavy silence as I think through whether I trust Harry or not for the thousandth time.

My heart says trust him, he's serious about this. But my head tells me to not be so easily lead.

"I meant it, you know." Harry says so quietly, I almost don't hear him "I'm not leaving"
Harry I really hope you're right.

~~~

The bakery is quiet, just as Harry said it would be. It's only us and an elderly couple in here, so we sit at a small table for two at the back corner of the tiny cafe.

"Harry?" An elderly woman asks, "is that you?"

"Margaret! How're you?" Harry replies

"Oh I'm alright thank you Harry, getting on well these days. And you?"

"I'm good thank you, how're the grandkids doing?"

"They're growing up Harry! You know kids, don't stay still for a second" the lady- Margaret- says and Harry nods, smiling at me. "So, what can I get for you two lovely gentlemen today?"

"Can we just have a pot of tea for now? We haven't looked at the menu yet" Harry replies, and she goes off to busy herself with the tea.

"She's the one that used to pinch my bum on a Saturday morning" Harry chuckles "she's a bit lively"

"I can see" I reply, glancing over to where she's now laughing with the elderly couple in the front of the shop.
I study them for a second- it's lovely to see people so carefree, so openly happy and light, and I make a pact then to find something to make me just as happy as they are.

I might not know what it'll be right now, but I will find it, and when I do I won't let it go.
I've had enough of dark times, of battling depression, of living life in a blur of just trying to get through the day. Things are undoubtedly a lot better than they were, but there's still something missing.

With that thought I turn back to my menu, biting my lip as I try to decide between a cream cheese bagel and a sausage bap. I go with the bagel, deciding to eat lightly so I don't feel sick on the long flight to LA later.

I glance up, about to ask Harry what he's getting but the words get stuck in my throat when I find his eyes already staring back at me. They're deep and green and full of words he's not saying, looking into them is like staring directly into him.

I don't know when Margaret comes back over, but I jump when she asks if we've decided what we're ordering yet and the moment- whatever it was- is over.