If I Could Fly

Birthdays

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to Freddie! Happy Birthday to you!!! Yay!!!"

"You're six now baby boy! How big is that!"

"I know Daddy! I'm a big boy now! No more little boy toys, just big boy stuff. Well... maybe actually some little boy stuff like Binky and my George pig blanket but mostly I want big boy things now in my room daddy."

"Okay Freddie" I say with a chuckle "go sit in the lounge with Nan and I'll grab a slice of cake for you."

"Make sure to get lots of icing Daddy! It's the bestest bit!"

"I sure will!"

I sigh, picking up the 'I'm six' cake and taking it into the kitchen where I place it down and search for a decent knife.

I've had to hide all the good ones from little fingers after the disaster that was his last birthday, and what a disaster it was!
He'd grabbed the knife right from my hand, and demanded that he'd cut the cake himself- he was a big boy after all- but ended up slitting the side of his finger badly.

The rest on his birthday was spent in A&E getting stitches.

That aside though, his mischievous streak he probably gets that from his father, and I can't help but feel a little giddy at the fact that I must be doing something right.
I jump as Eleanor clears her throat, trying to get my attention.

"I can't believe how far he's come. You're a wonderful father you know, I really appreciate everything you've done for him." she says in ernest. She really is a lovely girl. If we weren't both gay, I'd probably go for it.

" I know, it's crazy he's six. How the time flies!" I exclaim "And it should be me thanking you! It would have been so easy for you to just leg it and keep me from ever being a part of his life, and I'll be forever grateful that you didn't. I'm sure I've told you countless times by now, but you make a great mom too. He might not have been planned but he's certainly loved all the same. So thank you, for letting me be such a big part of his life." I finish, hugging her quickly before she bats me away.

"Oh no, no. I'm so busy all the time, with work and that he'd be such a lonely boy without you here for him. This might not be conventional, but I think it's working just fine for us" 

"Yeh. Oh and by the way, do you still want him to come and visit you next half-term? I have a surprise for him the first weekend of the holidays and I was wondering if you'd be ok with us coming down on the Monday?"

"Yes that'd be fine, I'll try and get some time off work then, send me the details and we'll work something out"

"Daddy!" Freddie shouts from the next room
"Where's my cake?"

"It's coming matey, hold on a second" I reply, tutting at his impatience. " why don't you find some music for musicle statues so long?" I shout back, trying to buy me some time.

"Ooooh! Daddy I know just the songs! HARRY STYLES!!!!" He squeals excitedly.

Yes. Of course. If there's anyone my son would be obsessed with, it'd have to be Harry fricken Styles. My ex-best-friend. Harry made it big, he has 3 platinum albums, to which Freddie knows every, single, word, and is currently on his most recent world tour.
Not that I kept track or anything, it's just hard to ignore these things when they're all over the news.

Harry has become and icon, someone that has thousands of fans running around after him on a daily basis and he performs to many, many people seemingly every night. I hate to admit it, but he's kind of done really well.
I guess he really was made for this whole super star thing.

After that fateful night when I told him to never talk to me again, he has stayed to himself. I haven't heard so much as a syllable from him in over six years and that should make me happy.
But it doesn't.
For some unexplainable reason I still can't forget him, I can't stop missing him.

I blame it on Freddie and his obsession. I can't go a day without hearing his name. It's quite ridiculous really for a six year old. He should be running around outside, more worried about when the next episode of telly tubbies is on, but no, of course since he is my son he has to be more obsessed with Harry than anything like that.

Zayn teases me about it everyday as well, telling me that he's not the only Tomlinson who's obsessed, but I always tell him off for that one.
It's enough already that I can't get a break in this place.

Kiwi starts blasting through his Harry Styles CD player and I put his cake to the side of the counter.

I've seen the kiwi music video and we do NOT want a re-enactment of it right now.

Heading back into the lounge, I chuckle at the sight before me. Freddie is full on head banging, pumping his arms and galloping around the lounge, imitating Harry on stage.