The Bad Boy Computer Programmer At Wattpad

THE FUNTARIO

"What about logic errors?"

Ignoring Ian's comment about logic, Sloth said, "Let's start with the username. It seems Star Wars is a mutual interest."

Ian did think Amanda's username was quite clever, but he knew a relationship's foundation couldn't survive on Yoda and R2D2 alone. "True, but--."

"She doesn't have enemies," Sloth interrupted. "Writes PG stories, yet there's definitely a naughty streak in her. Speaks Swedish Cyborg."

"Observes the world with her eyeballs and not her asshole," Mouth added.

"Oh!" Sloth held up a finger. "This might be the most compelling thing on her resume."

"It's a support ticket," Ian corrected.

"It says here she has relationship experience dealing with exes who make her feel inferior and stupid because she's not a software developer--or business manager or doctor."

"You ordered poutine?" a server asks.

Throwing their arms up in the air as though celebrating an amazing hockey shot, Sloth and Mouth yelled, "POUTINE!"

Relieved he was rescued by the popular Canadian snack, Ian smiled at the bewildered server. It was clear the server had never seen this much enthusiasm for French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. "The Molson is mine."

There was a moment of silence as the plates of poutine were attacked from every angle. Unfortunately for Ian, the quiet wouldn't last long. Mouth picked up his paper napkin and wiped the grease off his hands, then tapped his temple with a finger. Wiping gravy off his chin, he said, "Let's pretend like we don't understand what the bug issue is--."

Ian pointed to the report. "You understand what the bug issue is?"

Raising up an open palm, Mouth said, "Hold on." He lifted his shot glass and signaled for the others to do the same. Team Goonies clinked glassware in a silent toast, then Mouth and Sloth downed the tequila. After a belch, Mouth glanced at the report. "Yeah, I know what's wrong. I thought I fixed that months ago."

"Your code has bugs?" There was a hint of amusement and condemnation in Sloth's voice.

"No--my code has features." Mouth shoved a few fries into his pie hole. "As I was saying--we should pretend like we don't understand Yoda's tech problem. Then we can ask her to do a video chat with us so she can explain her technical issues more clearly." He ended his thought with a couple eyebrow wiggles.

"But if you already know how to solve the issue," Ian began, "why would we need to--."

"To see what Yoda's really like," Mouth interrupted. "Aren't you curious? Is she some cool chick who can seriously talk like a Swedish Cyborg or is she nuttier than squirrel shit?"

Sloth locked eyes with Ian. "Do you want me to never harass you about your love life again?"

Ian wasn't sure if Sloth was being serious or not. "Yes?"

"Then let's make a deal. If you have a video chat with Yoda, I'll never ask you about your two player game scores ever again."

Ian shook his head and chuckled. "I'm not falling for that."

"I'm being serious," Sloth insisted.

"You're saying if I chat with Yoda--my love life will be off limits from conversation? Permanently?" Ian questioned for clarity.

"Permanently," Sloth confirmed. "But only if she's a weirdo."

"What if she's not a weirdo?"

"Then you owe me a bag of ketchup chips."