Hunger

s i x t e e n

Week 3

"Do you have a safety pin?" I ask Mariana, one of the maids, while she cleans the living room.

"Do you need some?" She asks looking at me.

"Yes."

"I will bring you some tomorrow." She says and continues her cleaning.

I enter my room again and stare at my uniform laying on top of my bed. It doesn't fit anymore, and I should be happy about it, but it's annoying holding my skirt every time I move.

It's currently Sunday afternoon, and I'm doing a project for English class. That professor hates me enough and I'm making sure I hand this paper in on time this week.

After two hours of working, I was done. I was impressed with my work and made sure to put it in my bag to avoid leaving it behind tomorrow. I didn't know what to do now, but I really wanted to work out.

Part of me wants to follow coach Harvey's advice and stop my obsession, but another part of me, the stronger part still wanted to lose more weight. So, after debating exercising for a while, I put my sneakers on, and a hoodie to sweat even more.

Two hours into my cardio Christopher came inside the room. I knew what he was going to say. Dinner is ready. The worst part of every day, but I didn't have another option.

He presses the red button, that said stop on top and I glare at him annoyed.

"Don't you ever get tired of running?" He asks staring at me from afar.

"No." I reply grabbing a towel and drying my face.

"You have gotten thinner." He adds crossing his arms.

I say nothing and walk past him, to take a quick shower before we ate dinner together. Even though I should be happy about his comment, all it does its bring me down even more. If he says I'm thinner, that means I was fatter before, so there's no reason to celebrate his words.

After showering we all ate dinner, and I made sure to avoid eating the carbs. So, I didn't eat the mashed potatoes or rice. I see Christopher looking at me occasionally and I try to look happy, so he doesn't jump to conclusions and leaves me without a ride tomorrow like last week.

Monday morning came, and Mariana left a pack of safety pins on top of my dresser. I was glad she remembered and try my best to fix my skirt, so it wouldn't fall anymore like it did before. It looked awful, but I covered it with the school jacket that I didn't use before until now. It was awful with that huge logo on the left side of my chest, but it made me look better than before.

We made it to school and like last week, Eva and Jeremy didn't even bother looking at me in the hallway, or at any class we had together for that matter. I was getting used to being alone, but it can get lonely spending your lunch time alone.

I was currently at my locker, getting things for the last two periods when Nate came to my locker.

"Hey." He says with half a smile.

"Hi." I say back closing my locker.

"Do you want to eat lunch with my friends and I today?" He asks shrugging and I frown. "You don't sit with your friends anymore at your usual table." He adds. "Frankly I don't see you at all at lunch. It's like you hide from everyone."

I smile, trying not to look pathetic. "I have to go to the library to finish a paper." I lie.

"Oh." He replies disappointed.

"Yeah," I continue lying. "Is for my last class and I need to finish today." I add shrugging. "See you around!" And with that I walked away trying to avoid more conversation.

Everyone must think I'm a loser now without any friends. It's pretty obvious that my so-called friends hate me now. And I could had accepted his offer but that would have hurt Eva and Jer even more. Even though they don't talk to me anymore, I know they would feel betrayed by my actions, so is easier just to avoid drama by being all alone.

I made it to the bathroom and took a sit on my usual spot on the floor. I was feeling hungrier today, which was odd, so I drank my whole bottle of water in less than a minute. The hunger was still there when I was done so I sigh, trying to avoid feeling it.

We get home and I was still hungry, so I enter the kitchen and grab another bottle. It was still there when I was done, so I open the fridge and stare at it for a while. I take a bowl out with the leftovers of yesterday and I heat it up in the microwave. No one was at the kitchen, only me and my depressing self. Christopher and Olivia were currently upstairs showering.

I finish the food in less than five minutes and look for more in the pantry. Bite after bite I felt fuller, but I still felt empty inside, so I ate even more. From the healthy stuff that I always eat because it has less calories to the fattening ice creams and cakes Olivia eats after dinner for dessert.

When I was done reality starts to sink in. I just ate all of that, in less than twenty minutes. Saying that I was full was an understatement. My stomach was hard ass a rock and taking each step up the stairs took everything inside me.

I made it to my room finally, face full of tears. What have I done? I think sinking to my knees in front of the toilet. I had no excuse for my actions, I was weak, and I ate the forbidden food. I probably gained ten pounds from all that. So, without thinking twice, I stick my fingers down my throat, making myself gag, feeling the awful taste on my mouth, and without feeling remorse, I got everything out.