The Bad Boy Computer Programmer At Wattpad

WATTDRUNK FRIDAYS 1

"Have you tried to make the first move?" Geri asked. "From what I understand, guys love it when a woman makes the first move."

"74 times." Amanda picked up her glass and chugged till the wine disappeared. "I've sent 74 messages. Not one success story."

Geri squirmed in her chair. "I'm sure you're exaggerating."

Feeling a buzz, Amanda both giggled and held back tears. "Nope. Definitely 74." She pointed to a piece of paper taped to her laptop with 74 tally marks on it. "Some were gentlemanly and replied with things like, 'You seem like an incredible woman, but I don't want to waste your time and pretend like I'm interested. Best of luck in your search.' Most, however, didn't answer back at all."

Geri picked up Amanda's wine bottle and refilled her glass. "It's times like these when I'm thankful I'm asexual. I can't imagine someone else holding so much power over my happiness." Geri paused for a moment and glanced across the table. "Jeannie might be equipped with better advice than me."

Waving both palms in the air and laughing awkwardly, Jeannie replied, "I've got nothing. I'm just over here relating hard to Amanda's situation--hoping someone else has advice we both can use."

Everyone at the table turned their attention towards Mona. She wiggled as though salsa dancing with her chair. "Have you tried bars at closing time? Very little rejection."

"How do you know you're being filtered out of their searches?" Jeannie asked.

"You can see what type of women they're searching for on their profiles." With an open palm, Amanda motioned around the perimeter of her body like a gameshow hostess. "This isn't the right shape or age that's popular with the fellas."

"You wouldn't want a superficial jerk anyway," Geri said. "Maybe being filtered out of their searches is doing you a favor?"

"But I'm a personality girl!" Amanda argued. "Personality girls don't do well in the online--virtual--internet--whatever world, especially when it comes to dating. At least in the physical world my personality has the opportunity to spotlight the best parts of who I am--even if my appearance doesn't make it through the first filter. But that's not how the virtual world works. If you don't make it through the first filter--there's no second chances."

"Tell me again why avid hikers are in the 'no' pile," Geri said.

Amanda shrugged her shoulders. "The key word is 'avid.' I have nothing against hikers--I like hiking every once in a while--I just wouldn't fit into an avid hiker's insanely active lifestyle."

"I remember now," Jeannie injected. "We talked about this. Your ex was both a computer nerd and an insanely avid hiker."

"It was his equation for perfect balance," Amanda said, taking a sip of wine. "Cyborg at work, then experiencing 'this thing called nature' on the mountain. If only I could've been inserted somewhere between the two."

Geri rubbed her temple as though thinking. "Okay--throw out the avid hiker, DTF and non-monogamous groups. I get it. You're not on the same lifestyle pages. There has to be some common ground when it comes to lifestyles or the relationship is doomed from the start."

"And throw out uninterested group five," Amanda mumbled.

"People always think they can change someone's lifestyle," Jeannie added, sipping her wine aggressively. "Those happily-ever-afters are short-lived."

"No," Mona whined in a drawn-out squeak. "Only the computer programmers are left! Tell me this--why do computer guys always try to work movie quotes into conversations, anyway? Talk about a weapon of sex destruction."

"Don't forget their vast collections of Star Wars figurines," Jeannie added. "Or weird obsessions with quirky bands--like Barenaked Ladies."

"Maybe it's because I don't totally understand the forces of romance," Geri admitted, "but I'm going to say it anyway--it seems like the obvious is just hanging in the air." The others stared at Geri, patiently waiting for her response. "Computer programming is a job, not a personality. Aren't you unfairly filtering these programmers out in the same superficial ways 'group five' filtered you out?"

Amanda emptied the remains of her bottle into her glass. With goblet in hand, she crossed her arms over her body. "Maybe," she whispered.

"Do the DTF'ers have steel asses?" Mona asked, her eyes darting back and forth between Jeannie and Geri.

Amanda rested the back of her head on the chair. "I'm not wired to be a smut novel, Mona. I'm a sweet romance novel--and sometimes I hate it. I wish I could switch my setting to 'mature content' and just not care about the fact there's no storyline in my life."

"Speaking of which," Jeannie piped in. "I noticed your snake and caterpillar story was flagged as mature. What's that all about?"

Amanda sat up straight in her chair. "What are you talking about?"

"Snake and caterpillar?" Mona questioned. "I could read that story to a kindergarten class while riding Thomas like a naked cowgirl and it still wouldn't be a mature story."

Amanda, Jeannie and Geri stared at Mona for a moment in silence, mouths slightly ajar. "Please let me know if you're going to volunteer to read in my kid's class," Jeannie said.

Geri, Jeannie and Mona slowly faded from the table as Amanda reached for her laptop.

[[Geri] @.YoDaBestR2D2 I bet it's a glitch. Or... you might've accidentally switched it while you were doing something else.]

[[Jeannie] @.YoDaBestR2D2 I was going to say what Geri said. I bet that's what happened.]

Amanda clicked on the 'create' tab on Wattpad to check the settings of her online story. Sure enough, her sweet little poem about hopes and dreams was flagged as mature. When she tried to reverse the setting, nothing happened.

[[Amanda types & posts] @.all That's so weird. It's stuck in mature. I can't switch it back.]

[[Geri] @.YoDaBestR2D2 Make a ticket for it and have someone give it a look. It's HAS to be a glitch.]

[[Mona] @.YoDaBestR2D2 It is a story about a BIG, LONG, STRONG snake who likes to make slaves out of others. Sounds a little kinky to me.]

[[Amanda types & posts] @.GeriatricAt40 I'll make a ticket as soon as we're done here.
@.SexyInSpanxxx I just spit wine all over myself. That's hilarious!]

[[Jeannie] @.all I spit wine all over myself, too. Thanks a lot, Mona!!! I'm so happy I found you ladies. I know I say that all the time, but I really mean it. You don't know how much I need these laughs--and someone to drink wine with.
Now--off to edit all of Mona's posts before anyone else sees them...]

[[Geri] @.YoDaBestR2D2 When you have a computer programmer look into your glitch, you should ask if he's single (wink, wink). Ha!]

[[Amanda types & posts] @.GeriatricAt40 I'm pretty sure the programmers aren't the ones communicating with people about tickets. Surely they have some sort of costumer representative doing that. Otherwise... Hahaha!]

[[Mona] @.YoDaBestR2D2 I like where Geri's going!!! If the computer programmer is the big, strong snake--you could be his datapillar slave.]

[[Amanda types & posts] @.all And on that note... LOL!]

[[Mona] @.all My wine gone.]