Thoughts of an Observant Introvert

A new chapter.

I guess it all started with that awkward smile that you had given my friend and I when we had both dropped by to park her car in your complex. You had come down dressed in typical beachwear; boardshorts and a singlet, but it was your smile that really captured my attention. It was difficult to hold your gaze because you continued switching eye contact between my friend and I, almost making you look comical in a way. After making our way back to the car, I immediately consulted my friend- "Why the fuck is everyone you know so attractive?". I was so in awe by what I had just seen that I could not refrain from spilling to my friend how magnificently charming you were, and this was only all gathered by staring at you. I was so embarrassed because If I had known that I was going to see you, I would have dressed much nicer. The next tine that I saw you, I was much more prepared. I had on a really nice blouse and a pair of shorts, but did you even notice? Hell no; which made me feel like an actual try-hard. Why in the name of Heavens am I trying to impress someone who clearly is not even the slightest bit interested? I had no idea what it was about you, but you just had my curious- what about? I would not be able to tell you because I do not even know myself. But then we stumbled upon each other, and you had no idea who I was. I was waiting to see if you had noticed who I was, and it took you quite a while after seeing one of my photos with which I had the friend of mine. It was mildly hilarious, and the fact that I had known who you were before we started conversing, made it even more so. I had doubts at the start as to whether what we had was going to go anywhere; you seemed distant and I took that for disinterest, so I became distant myself, leaving you on read for longer periods of time than you did. It made me upset, that we had lost the spark of interest that was there at the start of the conversation, but it made me wary of what it was that I was partaking in. It was after that eventful night, however, that things changed. You suddenly became more attentive and interested; which made me happy, but also had me questioning what your intentions were. Something changed though- in you, or me? I will never know, we both started paying more attention to each other, and the frequent phone calls only served as evidence to this idea. One of our recent phone calls had me really intersested, and it was about something that you were about to say, but you stopped yourself from saying anything and we bid each other farewell. What was not said had me flipping and turning in my sleep; what was it that you stopped yourself from saying? What was it that you wanted to tell me\, but you did not continue your statement? I had a feeling I knew what it was, but It still kept my mind racing the entire day until I confronted you abut it later that day. Your response was that it was better to speak about it in person, so I pretended that we spoke about nothing, and just waited until we saw each other to see what it was you were supposed to say.

So, you asked me the question. I was expecting it, but I was still left in shock. I was nervous and excited; nervited. I was elated that you had finally asked me out even though on my side, it would not change the way I would treat you or speak to you. We departed at the station, and I left you with a smile on my face and a mark on my heart. It had been for a few days before that I had to stop myself from uttering the three words to you whenever I saw you or spoke to you over the phone. It was the first time that I had ever genuinely felt the way that I do with you. You made me happy, shy, frustrated; you made me feel all of the emotions known to man, and more. But the one emotion that overtook all the rest was genuine, unadulterated ecstasy. It sounds so very cliche, but just hearing your voice could turn a disastrous day into the most tolerable of days. THe way you look at me makes my insides tingle in excitement, and my abnormally large cheeks to turn beetroot-red. You told me you loved me, and I said it back whole-heartedly; because what I felt for you was not just feelings of infatuation; they were the real deal. I love you with every fibre in my non-existent beating heart, simply because you make me happy. You make me feel alive, and you also make me feel like I can tell you anything; with no fear of being berated. I can be myself around you, and I love that I do not have to change myself in order for you to be happy, or for me to feel comfortable.