MISTAKE | Michael Clifford

Chapter 33

I feel shattered deep inside me when Michael says those 5 words. How can he say that? I thought he love me? When he pulled down my arms around his waist, I can’t speak, I don’t know how to respond at him. Both of us are completely silent he still doesn’t face me I’m just staring at his back, I cover my face with my hands and I run away from him, I run as fast as I could I don’t know if he turns around to look at me but I guess he didn’t, he didn’t even run after me.

I keep on running I don’t even know where I’m heading, I’m so weak and I look like a waste. I look around and I’m on a highway, I walk over on the walking lane and wrap myself with my arms, I feel cold and my tears are still streaming down on my face. How can he think that I’m cheating on him? Just because I was being away, he will thought about that. I don’t blame him for thinking such things but why he needs to break up with me? I don’t understand. I was feeling all lonely and I’m looking like a shit, I took a cab and went home. As I got back Marco saw me when I walk upstairs, I wasn’t in a hurry because I’m so tired, tired of everything.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

I stopped and gripped on my shirt.

“I don’t know.” I utter the words.

He came forward to me I’m still standing on the fourth step of the stairs.

“You are not, your mother will kill me. What happened to you?”

He was all concerned. So far so good with Marco in the past few weeks and clearly I don’t know why.

“Mi-, Michael and I, I can’t, I don’t know.” I cried again then I run upstairs.

I lock myself to my room. It’s still school night, I’m feeling sick I don’t want to go to school. I just want to lay on my bed all day and cried about this. He doesn’t even call me if I’m okay, where I am, and those things I want to hear right now but nothing, I got nothing.

It’s been weeks we haven’t talk and this happened. I want to cut myself and think something that would kill me I hate this feeling, this is what I felt before when Calum and I broke up and it got repeated again.

Another week that pass I was a completely trash. The night Michael and I talked affect to me so much the first quarter of my school was horrible I almost failed some of my subjects and I can’t focus, I’m completely distracted but this time I was being all mean to myself. Regretting every single second that I try to find the answer on Michael’s life, his family, why do I even try it just gets worst and worst. Mom got mad at me but I didn’t tell her that Michael broke up with me, I still don’t know if it’s official or not, somehow part of my feelings it is. I lost Michael, I already get that hint, that feeling but I still make a step and try to find answers. But I already started this do I even need to stop?

Bree was all worried about me but I didn’t ignore her. She was a good listener even though I just keep on repeating what just happened to us, what I did to myself. It was a shitty cycle that I keep on talking everything that happened. I didn’t even have any communication with Jen and Ashton anymore I guess they don't want to cause any more trouble between us. Calum and Bree are still together, Calum told me that the band wasn’t going on anymore and Luke already moved to England and transfer there. They talk before he leaves but Michael wasn’t there, he also told me they tried to call Michael and go to his house but his mom said he wasn’t completely home he always leave at night. I can feel he always go to the old cabin.

I never tried to communicate him because I feel scared, scared that he might just ignore me and push me away.

I got home from school, I was going to ask Marco about the documents that mom ask me to hand over to him about her work as I went inside of his office I got shocked seeing Michael was here. He’s talking to Marco, he look so depressed and his eye bags look terrible and he dye his hair again, it’s like a neon green, I don’t know but it’s damn green. I stared at him but he wasn’t looking at me, he doesn’t even turn around to face me he’s just focus looking at Marco’s desk. I hand it to Marco and I’m shaking as I did.