I HATE YOU

11

sora.

you came by tonight.

i'm so drunk writing these stupid thoughts down.

but how in the fuck do you think you can just waltz right back into my life like that?

there's this thing called manners.

it's something i loved about you at one time, you were so unapologetically yourself. it left me in awe.

now i loathed it.

you walked in without knocking.

i could smell the alcohol wavering off of you.

mixed with the perfume you had trademarked, it left me nostalgic.

you never got rid of the key, sora.

i smiled at the thought.

you entered my kitchen and went through my cupboards looking for a glass to drink from.

you acted like you owned the place.

i watched you from the bar. i sat on the stool that you and i picked out together.

but, sora, why did i feel my love being returned to me?

"it's rude to stare, tae," you said.

"i've come to retrieve the rest of my things." you said.

i nodded.

you pulled out a mug i hadn't seen in months.

"y-you still have it?" you murmured.

"yes," i replied, taking it out of your beautiful hands, "i've been meaning to get rid of it. thank you for the reminder."

i let it fall out of my grasp, the porcelain staining our feet.

you scoffed and scrunched your face in shock.

i saw the love and wanting unveil themselves in your eyes as you began to clean up the mess i made.

is that how you felt picking up the pieces of me?

you came across the bottom shard of the mug.

yes, the one that said "mrs."

you finally saw it, sora.

"you loved me that much, tae?"

i gulped. i did, sora. i loved you so goddamn much.

i couldn't reply.

you quickly swept up the mess.

i watched you tuck that shard into your pocket.

but when you were so lost in trying to hide the shard, something fell to the floor in return.

you gave me a sad, apologetic smile.

god, i missed your smile.

"i should be going," you avoided my eyes, "he's waiting for me. i'll be back soon."

you exited our home just as quickly as you entered.

i went to pick up the small crumpled piece of paper that had fallen in your rush.

i was going to throw it away, thinking it was just an old receipt, but i recognized your rushed handwriting.

i unraveled the paper slowly.

i shouldn't have, sora.

i should've ripped it into a million shreds.

"tae.

i can't stop thinking about you.

sora."

and i couldn't take my eyes off those words.

i stayed up the whole night, thumbing the pencil scratchings you left.

i hate that i love you so much, sora.

you are so damn selfish and you won't ever let me go.

i was just about to mend myself and now you've left me all broken again.

and for that, sora, i just
really
really
hate you.

tae.