I HATE YOU

4

sora.

do you remember the first time i met your family?

i do.

i was shaking nervously because i wanted to prove to them how much i loved you. i wanted them to see that i would take care of you at all cost.

we had a lovely dinner that night with your eomma and appa. your older sister and younger brother were there too. i bowed excessively in order to express my gratitude.

it was such a perfect evening, sitting at your crowded dining table. i felt at peace and could feel the family atmosphere you gushed about so many times before.

that's when they asked about my family.

i knew they grew embarrassed when they realized my family's wealth.

but sora, in that moment i felt more at home than i ever did with my own family.

and that's because i had you.

you're my home.

i gave my best apologetic grin and said kamsahamnida over and over again.

"you have such a lovely home," i expressed, "thank you for taking so much care of me tonight. i promise to do the same for sora."

i vowed to them sora. i laid myself bare in front of your family because that's how much i needed you.

your appa gave a thoughtful look. he seemed to approve of me and i cherished that. it didn't make me any less nervous and you could tell from my flushed features.

"don't be nervous, love," you whispered, taking my large hand into yours.

i remember how well our hands fit together. how easy it was to hold on to you so tight, how easy it was to circle your palm with the pads of my fingers.

why didn't i hold on tighter, sora?

maybe if i would've held on just a little longer i wouldn't be sitting here in this drunken stupor, begging for you to come home.

yuna's hands don't feel like yours. they aren't soft and petite like yours, sora. i've been with her for 7 months now and they still don't feel familiar to me.

the thought of your hand being traced by his- it makes me sick.

it makes me want to scream. i want to yell at both of you for everything you've done to me.

i don't blame you for breaking my heart. if anything, i asked for it.

i begged for it.

because sora, i would do anything for you.

i would get on my knees in complete exposure if it meant you would come home and whisper those small i love you's all over again.

i would let you in to see parts of me yuna will never see.

because yuna isn't you.

and it's not her fault that you have my whole fucking heart, sora.

it's yours.

and you will never give it back.

and for that i just
really
really
hate you.

tae.