I'll Call You by Mine (boyxboy)

[28]

Her lips left mine and went down onto my neck. Her lips were blue from the cold. This river came down from the mountains so the water was freezing but either of us seemed to care. I grabbed her chin and kissed her again. It felt so good. My ears were ringing, my mind was racing and my body was shivering. I didn't want it to stop. I knew I was drunk and I knew I'd probably regret this in the morning but right now I didn't care; I couldn't. My mind was clouded by her. She pulled away and pulled me towards the house and into the attic where they mattress lay on the floor, covered in dust. It hasn't been used since Oliver left because I couldn't bring myself to remember it. The radio Marzia bought me sat still on the desk.

I suddenly got angry; angry at myself for having those thoughts. Fuck Oliver, fuck Marzia. I hate them. I don't need them to have a good time. And I planned to show Lili a damn good time.

I pushed her onto the mattress and attacked her lips with my own. She let out a soft moan that only fueled my fire.

Within seconds her clothes were off and I was reaching into the dresser for a condom.
-

I awoke to a sharp pain. My head was throbbing and last night's events came flooding back into memory. I let out a sigh, and stood up, stretching my sore and aching muscles. I was angry with myself for letting it happen.

Everyone was already outside for breakfast when I walked outside, also accompanied by my mother's friends and father's colleagues. It was never just the three- or four, during the summer, of us at meals. Our home was open to anyone who wanted to stay and therefore was never empty.

"Buongiorno, Elio!" Good morning, Elio. My mother's friend greeted, kissing my cheek. "Your mother's told me how good you are at piano, you'll have to play for us after breakfast." I shot my father a look but he sent one back, as to tell me to behave. I smiled and told her I'd be happy to. I pushed my breakfast around, too nauseous to eat. I sat opposite of Lili but didn't make eye contact. I led everyone into the living room and sat at my piano. I began to play Bach, the same song I had played for Oliver a year ago.

It was young Bach, the song dedicated to his brother. Not that information meant anything to anyone but Oliver. He loved when I played for him and it just felt odd to play for anyone else. I tried so hard to drown him out. But he came up in everything I did. I wasn't supposed to care anymore. He didn't. He never did.

My performance was applauded and my father kissed the top of my head.

"Thank you Elio, that was wonderful." My mother thanked me. I smiled and stood up, only to look down and see blood covering my hand. I quickly grabbed a towel and pressed tightly shading my nose. This was a frequent thing for me.

"Is he okay?" Lili asked, sending me a concerned glance. I could have laughed at the irony of the situation, of the repetitiveness. My mother dismissed the comment and excused me from the room. Thankful, I made an exit, grabbing ice for my nose.

"You're not going to get another nose bleed on me, are you?"

His words haunted me as I remembered everything. I wonder if he still thought about me. If he truly remembered everything the way I did. If he ever really loved me at all. One the bleeding stopped, I grabbed my bike and I rode around the small town, looking to kill time.

I returned home shortly, bored. Lili was sitting on the steps. Once she saw me, she stood up. She walked over to me and smiled.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine."

She ran a hand through my hair and I rested my cheek against her hand. Maybe this wasn't so bad, after all.