Her Journey, My Struggle

June 28

I've been writing a little bit of this over the past few days when I can or don't feel like I'm dying which isn't often.

So far, still have the catheter. Still no figuring out what's wrong with that and why I can't use the bathroom.

The infection is still there and they've switched antibiotics. We finally had my other doctors on my case and none of them know why any of this is happening and why antibiotics don't work well on me. I'm almost convinced that I'm going to get sepsis again and I'm going to ruin my kidney and I'm just trying to accept my fate because the doctors are all confused.

I'm losing weight again since I cannot stop throwing up except when I'm on the anti nausea drugs but they don't even work as well as they should. They discussed placing another PICC line but they're not worried enough about me, I guess.

It's gotten to the point that the doctors don't want to treat me anymore because I seem to be more of a liability than anything, but my neurologist says that they need to discuss transferring me to another hospital that deals with complex cases, but the question is where and when. She seems to think that there is another cause to all of this besides my eating disorder ruined my body.

My parents signed a release today of my medical records so we can start the referral process to another hospital.

The only thing that has kept me from losing all hope is that Ethan has insisted on seeing me as often as he can even when I'm at my worse right now.

I'm in a rough place right now.