Her Journey, My Struggle

Day 8-13

Sorry once again for the lack of updates. I'm also sorry I'm so bad at replying to messages. I started crocheting as like a distraction/coping mechanism and I love it. I mean I can only do chains right now but I still enjoy it. I've made a chain and it's longer than my bed! 

As said before I got my stitches out! I was so afraid to move my arms afterwards. I had this silly fear that I'd move an arm and my arm would rip open, but I'm good now! :) 

Tomorrow, however, I will be having a small surgery at 9 in the morning. This morning I had another endoscopy to check on my "esophageal perforation" (doctor's language for the small tear in my escophageus). It hasn't started healing at all. The doctor ordered a chest x- ray afterwards and found a small amount of fluid that ended up in my lungs through the tear. They thought it would heal and I would be fine. They are going to sew the small hole shut so in a while I will be able to start eating actual food again. They also will be draining the fluid from my lungs so it doesn't turn into pneamonia.

Also during my procedure, I will be getting a new feeding tube. They will take the one I have out of my nose and then place one directly to my stomach.The one in my nose is only for temporary use and they don't know how long it'll take for the surgery to I guess like heal. My body is all kinds of screwed up cause of my disorder (It's why my dumb stitches took longer to wait to be taken out than normal)  I honestly have gotten really used to the one in my nose so this may be odd. I'm not excited about having something surgically inserted into my stomach and I'm going to try really hard once I can start actually eating again to be able to get it out soon. 

I'm kinda nervous about the surgeries but I know if they don't happen then things can get worse and I'll be stuck in this bed forever. I just hope that it doesn't hurt too bad and that something doesn't go wrong while I'm under the anesthesia. They say it's relatively simple but that complications can arise because of my low body weight and all. 

I also was weighed today on an actual scale. They had been using the scale that was apparently under the bed or something since I was at risk for falling.  Apparently scales can be made into hospital beds??? They wouldn't let me see obviously, but it seems like a little glimmer of hope that I'm getting better cause they let me out of the bed.

Tonight after talking to my doctors and all they said it was okay if my mom and I spent time in the hospital's chapel a bit before I got my overnight feeding (I get it when I sleep). I obviously can't walk so I'll be in a wheelchair but regardless I'm glad to be able to be out of my room. The only time I've not been in a hospital room was when I was being transported to this hospital. I'm glad that they're letting me go there so I can pray in there before tomorrow. I've been praying so much since I've started this journey and I've put my faith in God because at this point, I can't do much so I'm putting it in God's hands.

I'll try to update on Sunday with how everything is. I love you guys and I can never thank you all for the support you guys give me. I would like to ask you guys to keep me in your prayers and in your thoughts for you all that are not religious.

"Once, there was a way to get back homeward

Once, there was a way to get back home, Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby

Golden slumbers fill your eyes, Smiles awake you when you rise, Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry

And I will sing a lullaby..."- The Beatles, Golden Slumbers