(Levi Ackerman x OC) Melting A Frozen Heart ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter 28: The Choices He Made

trigger warning: suicide, suicidal thoughts, self-harm

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Everything seemed to happen so quickly. Levi could barely sort out his scrambled thoughts as he sat next to Chi's bedside, just as he had before when she was recovering her limbs. But this time, he could not stop the horrible regret that bit into his stomach.

It felt as if one moment he was gazing down at her unmoving body from the far roof of the building, and in the next, he was sitting beside her resting place. There were multiple bandages wrapped around her head and body.

Hanji had explained earlier that she would no doubt suffer at least some brain damage—in the case that she were to not succumb to death. There was an excruciatingly excessive amount of stress inflicted upon her physical body and mind, including her previous injuries and wounds. Many of her bones had been shattered on impact, but with her rapid healing abilities, they were sure to repair.

The entire time Hanji had been explaining Chi's situation, Levi's eyes were glued onto the floor. His eyes seldom dared to flicker elsewhere, but they always went to one of the two things: Chi's face, or his own hands, covered in her blood.

Her blood.

Why were they covered in her blood?

...What happened, again?

"Hanji," he rasped, "why are my hands covered in blood?"

"You... you don't remember?" Hanji asked, leaning down to glance at his face worriedly. It was cold and stoic, as if his features had been set into stone, but his eyes gave it entirely away; he was in pain. "You're the one that sprinted down four sets of stairs and leaped out of a second floor window to save your beloved."

He didn't move from where he sat, hunched over. "What?"

"What I'm saying is, you carried her back here with your own two arms, Levi. Of course your hands are bloody, because she was bloody, too. She... lost a lot of blood. Which is why she may not live."

Levi was frozen. "Who... whose blood is this?"

"Levi, it's—it's Chisaki's. It's Chi's blood."

Ah... it was Chi's blood.

Levi suddenly tore his cravat from his throat to wipe the sticky liquid away from his skin, desperate to get rid of the feeling that stuck to him like glue. He rubbed his skin raw until almost all traces of the blood were gone; here and there, there were specks of it still sprinkled across his skin, and patches of red stained his shirt and jacket.

"Do you wanna get washed up, li'l guy?" Hanji offered in a gentle voice. Levi did not reply and only dropped his now-bloodied cravat to the floor, resuming his frozen, trance-like state. Hanji let out a small sigh and headed for the door. "I'll grab you some tea, alright? Peppermint green, how ya like it." And with that, she quietly slipped out, shutting the door tightly behind her.

What was there to do? Levi had never acted this way before, so despondent and hopeless; Hanji had no idea how to comfort him.

Just as Hanji left the door, Levi finally spoke up, but he did not avert his gaze from the dull wooden floorboards.

"Chi," he whispered, "why would you do that? Why would you try to take your own life? Didn't you have a goal? Didn't you want to kill all of the titans before you died?"

Of course, there was no response from Chi, as she stayed as silent as the night. Levi let out a frustrated sigh and snapped, shooting to his feet. His fingers gripped the seat of his chair and he heaved it across the room where it smashed into the wall beside the window. It splintered into countless pieces.