Ayeesha

Ch.14| Moving On

Ayeesha and I hardly spoke. We went from long conversations to;

Sannu da dowowa (welcome back)

Asalamu alaykum

Hi

Hello

Have you eaten

I'm leaving

Bye

And wake up for fajr.

We didn't eat together or feed eachother anymore, the only habit we kept was praying morning prayers and Isha prayer together. And it wasn't the same because we wouldn't speak to each other and she never blew duas over me. When we finished praying everyone went to a different place to recite Quran individually.

I stayed longer at work and she locked herself in the baby's nursery. Other days she would go to her expression room and scream and cry and let her feelings flow through her art. She hardly slept at night most nights she would stay on her prayer mat and cry and pray, whenever I tried to hug her she would push me away. My heart ache to see her like that and not be able to do anything at all. She stopped crying 4 weeks ago, Which means she mourned for exactly a month and is silent for another month. She'd lost so much weight. I haven't seen her smile or laugh since that fateful day. We were told that she has a difficulty and may not be able to have anymore children. After a hysterecomy was suggested (removal of the uterus).

After a week of a research it was discovered that she didn't exactly need it. She was given drugs and would go to the doctor every two weeks. She can conceive again, but she may have another miscarriage, die at child birth, have to choose between her or the baby to live, or she'll make it but will suffer greatly.

After this news she and I don't touch. She's distanced herself away from me. We haven't hugged or brushed shoulders no physical contact what so ever. We sleep on the same bed but she stays at the edge and doesn't sleep, She got too attached, fell to hard for our baby...we both did.

The loss of the baby broke my heart to pieces but The thing that clouded my head the most was the state in which it left my wife in. The first week I had cried I was angry and after that I began to blame Ayeesha in my head and that was so wrong! Every time my mind began to go there I started to pray and put myself in her shoes I can't be feeling as much pain as her. My heart ache for the loss of my unborn child and for my wife as well. I had been a mess and I decided to just work from 8 to 10pm most times and even at home I would lock myself in my study. I stopped sleeping as well thinking something would happen to Ayeesha, she started having nightmares and those are the only intimate moments we have.

•••
While I was drowning my head in my work Yesmine came in to my office. Yesmine is my ex girlfriend we dated for 4 months a while ago. I wasn't ready for marriage and her parents didn't like me because they thought I was reckless. After 5 years of not seeing this girl she shows up, I had totally forgotten about her existence but here she is and still as beautiful as the last time I saw her.

"Hey boo missed me?" She said walking shamelessly to my side. She was dressed in a long fitted black dress and a neon pink scarf draped carelessly over her shoulder.

"Yesmin what do you want" I seethed at her.

"I came back to marry you obviously I mean you weren't ready at that time so I waited for you I thought you'd do the same for me but I heard you got married and your wife lost her baby. Now she may not have kids. And if I'm correct your allowed more than one wife darling and one who can have a baby! If you were with me you wouldn't have go to through all th—" I cut her off immediately and her hands dropped from my shoulders.