To all my wonderful and amazing fans,
I know many of you have been curious as to my long absence from the site. Some of you all have already read my "Author's Note" in NLH about my situation. But I think I need to write it here so I can direct people from all my other stories to one place.
My life has had many hardships right now.
I'm working a ton and different hours from week to week. This hinders in my ability to set aside time to write uninterrupted. I'm also a few people's ride from their work to their houses. I have a problem in saying no to anyone who needs some help.
But that pales in comparison to the emotional pain I have been in for months now. 23 days before my 31st birthday, I lost my sister and most dearest friend in all the world. She returned "Home", as she put it. I was so very devastated and still very much am. Everyday she's on my mind and my heart feels ripped up more knowing we can't have our weekly Movie Nights over the internet. I couldn't send her a random message that would make her smile because it was something so very silly to say. She lived in North Carolina (USA) and I was and still am in Virginia (USA), but distance never meant a thing for us spending time together.
The only way we could communicate was through text messages and Facebook messages due to the fact she had lost her hearing in a terrible accident. But it was how I best communicated anyways, so talking to her was natural and was awesome. I have had a problem physically speaking in person, but writing a message was my natural way of speaking what was on my mind. We bonded so much this way.
Now I don't have her there to tell all that happens in my life with anymore. She was the best of us both and so angelic. I've had people say I was, but she was more. Even the title of Saint didn't fully encompass how awesome she was to know.
I had not know she was sick till Christmas. That she had cancer because she didn't want me to have that terrible news and be sad for such a joyous day. How silly a thought as I loved her so much and she knew my own mother had cancer twice before. But I smiled and thanked her so much for telling me. I had wanted to send her this handcrafted ornament that I made just for her with her favorite colors, but because she couldn't find the right excuse to say no, she told me why. Now that "DreamTree" (etsy.com/joyfulladydesigns to see what they look like) as I call it hangs from the white wire Christmas that is still up in my Living room that is displaying it proudly and in honor of her.
You see, she wasn't my sister by blood, but we were each other's sister. Soul sisters. She had been a fan of mine, and we just got to talking. There were so many things that we had in common and clicked so well like sisters. We even told each other off when we weren't thinking right about something. And we defended each other from others completely. We were sisters through and through. My little sister as I was her big sister. I was also named as her sister in her obituary.
Since her death, I can't seem to write anything other than about her. She had ask me to promise to be happy, but I find myself crying my eyes out every time I try to be happy. I just miss her so much.
The day it happened, I was working. My boss had noticed something was off about me the instant he saw me. At the time, I didn't know what was going on. Now I do, I was feeling her dying and leaving this mortal plan for the next one. Her father had messaged me on my break and asked me what I would say to her as she said that that was the day she was leaving us. Holding back the tears as best I could connecting the feeling with what he was telling me, I sent this message... "I love you." After I sent it, I had to get up from my seat and grab some napkins just as the waterworks started cascading down my face.
Thank the stars above that we were dead for a restaruant.
My boss and roommate (at the time) came up to me and ask me what was wrong. I told them and my roommate bridged the gap to hug me tight. They both knew how much I loved and still love my sister. I cried for about a few minutes and was still in shock that our last Movie Night was it. There was no more after that day and it hurt so bad. We watched my favorite movie of all time, Ever After: A Cinderella Story with Drew Barrymore as Cinderella. She had requested my favorite movie for that night.
