I found out more about my friend's death.
He died by a fatal gunshot wound to the head that he had inflicted on himself. His family has decided to cremate him as open casket and viewing would be impossible. At the moment there is oword about when the memorial will take place.
Everytime I think about what has happened, my insides all twist up. This never happened with my great-grandfather. This had just been so sudden that I'm still in shock.
And nothing seems to help...
My husband has asked me a few times wh I wasn't crying. The truth is, I don't cry in front of people. I'm one of those ones that suffer alone. I grew up not wanting to cause anyone else pain. I knew crying in front of others hurt them so I would never show them around others.
Okay, this thought is morbid and I don't want to sound conceded, but... I could never commit suicide. I know it would cause pain to those I know and have touched all my life. I hate causing pain, thus no crying in front of others and never EVER killing myself.
In my mind, that's what makes suicide selfish. Not caring how it affects those who care about you. Taking your life takes a piece from everyone and turning those pieces to dust. My old friend has done that to all of us.
When I first heard about his death, I had hoped it was a peaceful suicide. (i.e. pills) But nope. He did it violently with a device I despise, a gun. Now more than ever I despise that gawd awful weapon of stupidity. Give me a hunter's bow and arrows if I need to defend myself, but guns are too easy to kill. Guns are the worst things created EVER! I so want to take my kitana to the guy who created it and hack his head off.
See what the idea of guns doesn't to me. Make me think things I never would do.
Sorry for the rant on my thoughts of guns, but that's what this is for. My thoughts. My feelings. My life.
Okay, I should stop now before my insides get even more twisted. It's very uncomfortable, I tell you.
Blessed be your day and your life, Kat
