Free to Love

Chapter 24

Mallory opened her free arm and Grace climbed up. I worried a little about her fragile body holding both kids, but she looked so happy to have them next to her.

"You broke so many that we had to buy a ton of new ones the next year," I said as I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Sorry," Grace muttered apologetically.

Mallory gently stroked her light brown, almost blonde, curls that were down to her shoulders now.

"We knew it would happen, Gracie. Just like we know Nolan will break his share this year. It's okay," Mal said.

They talked a little more about the Christmas cookies and about how my parents would surely make them hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.

Mallory hugged and kissed each child before they got off the bed.

"I want to thank my parents for all they've done this week. Putting the tree and the other decorations up was huge."

I walked back out to the living room and told Parker and Jean that Mal wanted to see them. They were in there for awhile as I played with the kids. When they came out, they got Grace and Nolan in their coats and headed out the door. I went back to Mallory.

"You ready for some food now?" I asked.

She smiled. "Okay. You win. Can you bring me some crackers and a ginger ale?"

"Coming right up."

I was back in our room couple minutes later with her snack. I set everything next to the bed and then sat down in the chair we kept next to her side. I watched as she ate several crackers and took some sips of the cold soda.

"I wanted to talk about a couple things," she said.

"Sure. What's on your mind, baby?"

"There are some things I need you to promise me."

It hit me that she wanted to talk about after. After she died, that is. I wasn't ready for this, but I'd known she'd be doing this at some point. It was so Mallory to want to make sure things were in order.

"I'm listening," I said.

"I want to be cremated. I've thought about having my ashes scattered, but I can't think of a place. Instead, can you pick one of those new green cemeteries and have me placed there? That way you and the kids will have a spot to place flowers if that's something that helps. If it's too hard to visit, don't do it."

"Got it." I willed myself to not think of what cremation entailed.

"Gracie needs to start preschool next year.  Or wait...what do you call it here? Junior kindergarten? Ask Gail or one of the other playgroup moms for advice about picking one out if you need help. You can always just do the local public school."

"Okay."

"I want my parents to remain a part of their lives. When they are old enough, maybe they could spend a couple weeks of the summer in Virginia like we talked about that one time. And it would be good if you continued to include them in holidays whenever possible," she said.

"I promise to keep them in our lives."

"Thank you. I need you to make sure you turn to other people to help you. It's going to be hell for a long time, and I know you'll focus on the kids. You need to take care of yourself, too. I can't leave this world worried about your mental state. I need to know you'll do everything, even therapy, to heal."

I smiled weakly. "You could just not leave us."

"I'd give anything for more time, Shawn."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply you had a choice." I fought back the tears that were trying hard to escape.