Shades of Tea

Keemun

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." - Richard Bach

We were lying in the bed later that night trying to get a few hours of shuteye before our planned drive the next day morning, when Dylan turned to look at me. I turned to face him as well, resting my face on the palms of my hands. Tenderly he pushed the stubborn curls from my face, brushing his fingers down my face. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes stared intently into mine, swirling with a mixture of emotions.

"Don't move." He whispered, his breath fanning across my face. The bed sheet ruffled as he moved his body closer to mine. My breathing became heavy, but I didn't dare move a muscle as he rested his forehead against mine, palm splayed across my cheek. Our fastening breaths matched, as we gazed into each other's eyes. His eyes showed a myriad of conflicting emotions as he inched forward. My eyes fluttered closed as he placed his soft lips on mine, the tension finally ceasing once the contact was made. He began kissing me gently, with the utmost care as if I were glass and could break under his touch.

He was pulling away when my heart kicked in and kissed him back. I wasn't a stranger to intimacy, but with Dylan I felt like I had forgotten how to breathe let alone kiss. In that moment, I broke down my walls and finally let him in. Donna's words echoed in my mind all day. Just let go.

As I kissed Dylan I finally... Let go. My body relaxed into his warm, inviting arms. His flat hand trailed down my back to the lower end of my spine, applying just the slightest of pressures to my skin. The kiss ended too quickly for my liking, but I tried not to show my disappointment as Dylan gave me a slow smile that had my stomach flip. "You look tired. We should probably sleep." I nodded, snuggling into the crook of his arm and closed my eyes, not before I felt him kiss the top of my head and close his arms around my body.

I woke up with sweat dripping down my face and silent tears staining my cheeks. My chest was heaving as if I had run a marathon and my mouth was dry. "Elise, calm down. It was just a dream. It was just dream. You're okay. I got you, I'm here for you. You're safe now." Dylan's strong, calming voice sounded through the haze of my nightmare. The ringing in my ears was subsiding as he continued to console my frazzled heart. I looked at him through tear filled eyes, ashamed that I was haunted by my memories.

"Whatever your dream was, you're safe now. This is where we are now," he swept his hand across the room. "I don't need to know your dream to know it was a memory, a bad one at that. But that's just it. It's a memory now because right now, right here is all that matters. You need to learn how to let go of the past." He stroked my arm, as he rested his chin on my head while I listened to his steady heartbeat. He hugged me tightly; rocking us back and forth till the gentle movement lulled me back into an empty sleep.

Morning came around too quickly, and we were already on the road immediately after breakfast. After the previous night's vulnerability I felt braver to face my feelings. I glanced at Dylan's hand resting on the gear shifter and my own pair placed on my legs. I reached over and threaded my fingers through his and enclosed his hand in mine. Briefly, he looked my way and smiled, squeezing my hand as a sign of reassurance.

In just over a week, my world as I knew it had changed ever so slightly. It's like the earth had moved on its axis and I was displaced. All these emotions and feelings I was experiencing was both new and yet somewhat familiar. Deep down I had locked away these memories that once made me feel. Now I only felt numbness, the only thing I could feel after the pain had gone. It was the only thing that made sense to my fragile heart.

I stared out to the highway, watching my surroundings change the further away we travelled from our last stopover. I don't know when I dozed off but when I opened my eyes again we were at a gas station. "Here's some god awful tea, and a bag of chips. There wasn't much choice there." Dylan looked at me apologetically as he handed me the Styrofoam and the chips. "I imagined you were kind of craving your tea fix since it's been a while." I nodded thankfully.