Shades of Tea

Flowery Orange Pekoe

"Meditation is all about the pursuit of nothingness. It's a quieting of the mind. It sharpens everything, especially your appreciation of your surroundings. It keeps life fresh" - Hugh Jackman

A familiar scent awoke me from my dreamless sleep, the scent of a fresh morning. I let myself relish the heat of the morning sun across my face, the delicate softness of the pillows and the silkiness of the sheets. When you're blind to the world the rest of your senses are heightened to compensate for absence of another. I could feel the steady heartbeat of the man beside me, beating out of sync with my own erratic tune. I could imagine our breaths, turbulent and stale, mingling in the stationary air. I couldn't here any birds singing, or rustling of trees in the wind, or even the sounds of nature outside my window. I was surrounded by silence, the kind of silence you could find peace in, except my mind could never focus. The wrinkles between my brows deepened as I tried to banish all thoughts from my mind- to achieve the silence I needed.

But we can never really be silent. If our surroundings are quiet are own thoughts fill the void. Screaming, angry and frustrated, within the hollow of our skull. The silence around us just amplifies the terror in our heads, the noise we can never truly quieten. Silence was my biggest enemy and I had fallen prey to it. My torturous thoughts plagued me like a metastasising tumour, growing uglier and uglier each minute.

My train of thought was interrupted when the hair on my skin rose as I felt Dylan shuffle beside me and my breath hitched as his hand accidentally brushed against my arm. My heart was beating faster and my mouth became dry as he sling an arm over my stomach. As I tried to pull away gently, so not to wake him, he instinctively pulled me closer and nestled his head in the mess I called my hair.

I hadn't been intimate with a guy for a long time, but just a simple touch from Dylan set my skin on fire. It was a feeling I couldn't control, a feeling I knew was irrational to have.

With Dylan around me, all rational thoughts fly out the window. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't focus. I didn't like this lack of self control, the fact that he could affect me in ways another man had not.

I needed to find my solid ground again because my feet were walking on a tightrope that had been strung across Niagara Falls. I felt that any wrong footing would result in my downfall. A fall I was all too familiar with and I had no intention to acquaint myself with it again.

"Morning," his hoarse voice whispered into my ear.

"Good morning," I thought. I wanted to speak, I just couldn't find the words to say it out loud so I just looked him and blinked.

"How long were you awake?" He asked.  I just shrugged my shoulders. Time had lost meaning, it didn't matter if I had spent an hour staring into space or ten minutes. To me time had stopped and I was stuck in a circle of nothingness.

"Well I guess it doesn't really matter. What matters is what we're going to do today. Why don't you get ready and I'll get breakfast?" I nodded and threw the sheets off my hot body. From the look on his face he had unwillingly released me from his grasp but still continued to smile at me. I was stunned to see that he shone brighter than the sun when he dazzled me with his smiles.

I blinked in confusion as I was again left in the quiet with just my thoughts to accompany me. Before I knew it we were all packed and ready for our next adventure. A tingly feeling erupted in my stomach as we started our new day. The excitement and anticipation I felt was surprising, because all these days I've just felt dread in the pits of my body.

Where are we going? I typed into my keyboard.

"We're taking a helicopter to the mountains. Your next experience starts there." He winked at me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the helipad this observatory had. Somewhere along the path our hands disconnected and I felt the loss almost immediately. I tucked it in my trouser pocket, clutching my cell inside.