Park Benches and Polaroids

the sun girl

I was only seven 

when I found a piece of yellow chalk in art class

and in a moment of impulse

I had colored my entire desk

in sun-yellow dust.

The classroom stared

as I blushed

in my white dress

and did not speak 

for fear that there would just be tears.

I got in trouble for the first time in my life

for I was too enamored 

by the color yellow

and decided I wanted it everywhere. 

Twelve years later

there's a picture of me

in a sun-yellow dress

hold a stick like a sword in front of me,

looking downcast, 

eyes thoughtful

wise

and a little sad.

I called myself the forest princess.

Though I didn't wear a dress every day anymore

and became far more 

outspoken than silent,

laughter and gold hair,

sunflower yellow

had become my color.

"A sunny disposition"

had become my personality marker

for yes, I have always been happy person,

social and excited and charged 

by the energies around me.

But deep down

there was a loneliness 

and a feeling of lack of understanding --

a feeling,

of empathy too deep

and anger rooted somewhere beyond:

eyes downcast

and a little sad,

for even the sun

needed some darkness

to balance it out.