Happily ever after ? (A Tom Hiddleston fanfic)

Their first fight

*Tom*
I have been tossing and turning in my bed half the night, getting more and more annoyed with myself and with Lexie honestly. Why do I have to be this stupid ? She is marrying someone else, of course she isn't really interested. Probably she is just out to have one last fling, a story to tell her grandchildren, that time some famous actor fell in love with her.

Yeah I am not being fair, Lexie definately don't seem like that kind of girl. It is just me trying to keep it together here. Finally I meet a woman who speaks to me in every way. Someone I can talk to, laugh with and that still manage to make my head spin from how gorgeous she is, and then she is about to marry someone else.

After spending an hour in the gym and after that taking a long shower, trying to get my head straight, lining my thoughts back up, I decide that I need to go talk to her. We need to figure out what is going on and what to do about it.

I walk down to her door, but regret, not really knowing what to say. So I turn around. No I have to do this. I turn again walking back towards her door. Stopping in front of it I take a deep breath. No I can't do this. She'll just laugh at me.

But just as I turn to walk away again, the door opens and Lexie almost run into me. "Oh hi Tom, I was just on my way to find you".

*Lexie*
I have slept badly all night, tossing and turning. What did I do last Night ? I can't go around kissing hot actors when I am about to get married. Am I just having cold feet ? I finally decide to go find Tom, we need to talk. But when I open the door he is standing right outside, his back to my door, like he was walking away.

"I.. I wanted to talk". He has turns back towards me. "I think we have some things to talk about".

I can only agree. We need to talk, to figure out what all this is that are happening between us. "Come on in Tom, we better talk in private".

"Yeah, Sound like a good idea". He walks past me and I close the door. Taking a deep breath. This is all so very fucked up and confusing. My head kind of hurts and I am afraid I can't tell up from down.

He sits down on the edge of the couch, folding his big hands in his lap. Hands that last evening was entwined with mine. "Lexie.. last night.. we need to talk".

"I think we have established that by now". I say with a nervous giggle. I am scared that he will tell me it meant nothing and scared he tells me it meant everything.

Running a hand through his hair, he looks up at me. "Why did you kiss me Lexie ? I mean you are going to marry Edward right ? You love him I supposed".

"I promised to marry him. Edward is.. perfect.. I mean he is handsome, have good manners, he is a doctor.. ". I kind of trail of, not knowing what to say.

He runs his face, sighing deeply. "Well it's all very admirable, but hardly a reason to marry someone. Do you love him ?"

"I guess I do. I mean love don't need to be all consuming passion, a man you can trust, a stable relationship, a safe economic situation.. it.. Well it's hard to find". I hear myself rambling.

"Well then I guess everything is fine and dandy as it is". He gets up, looking rather frustrated. "I just don't get why you kissed me then, a last bit of fun before settling down with Your fancy doctor I guess".

It literally feel like he slapped me, leaving me dazed and breathless. I am scared, confused, hell I am questioning my whole life. I am contemplating giving up my life as I know it, the man I thought I loved, my job too. For a man I have known for less than two weeks. Someone who seems perfect, but whom I also don't really know yet.

I am fighting the tears now. I can't handle him being angry with me. It feels like an actual physical pain in my chest, causing me to react. Anything to stop that feeling, it is the worst I ever felt. "You kissed me first.. it...".

"Everyone was kissing you, remember ?" His voice higher and harder than I have ever heard it, and I feel like shrinking into the floor. "You were selling kisses, so it wasn't like it was anything special".

"I think you need to leave Tom". I can hear my own voice shaking slightly, the tears burning like acid behind my eyes. It hadn't been anything special. The kiss that had stopped my world, that had stolen away my breath and my thoughts, it had been nothing special to him. "I don't think we have anything else to talk about".

I had wanted to tell him what that kiss did to me, how it had been impossible for me not to kiss him again. I had wanted to tell him how scared I am, how confused it has me. I wanted to tell him everything, but he cut me of, telling me it meant nothing to him.

"I guess this is goodbye then or something". Something seems to flash over his face and for a moment I think he is going to say something more. But then he just shake his head and walk away. Leaving me to stare at the closed door.

My last defences crumble and so does I. What the hell even happened here. What were we fighting about ? My body is heaving with the sobs filling my throat and I almost can't breathe. I have never felt pain like this, my chest contracting with each breath and I wish I could just stop breathing all together.

One thing is certain, Edward has never caused me pain like this, not even close. But his kisses never made me feel like that either. What am I to do ?