NEPTUNE BURNS

she didn't care, why would you?

The night my grandfather died the girl that loved me guilt tripped me into calling her
"You never talk to me"
"I need to hear your voice"
And I don't know why it mattered but the fact that there are holes in me she didn't care enough to fill has haunted me to this day
Because I was singing hallelujah on repeat and my vocals were dying and all she seemed to understand was that there was a girl she loved who didn't want to talk on the phone
And isn't it so fucking amazing
To know I was holding in tears on that phone call and pretending I was okay because I knew that's what she wanted
I wonder if she cared I was on the floor holding my sister and mother as they cried
If she bothered to understand that "I can't talk right now" was not code for "I don't want to talk" but another way of saying
"my house is made of cards and the wind has been blowing it for years and it's clattering to the ground
I have to go my family looks like it is drowning in sermons and I can't save them when I'm using my voice on your insecurities"

fallingstxrss for being so sweet