13 Reasons why // The 14th Reason

// 28 //

I was sitting in bio, trying to avoid snorting as Zach started contorting his face in strange ways to make me laugh.
"Dude!" I hissed, slapping his arm as he sat at the desk next to me.
Suddenly the door opened and the bio teacher looked up from his desk curiously. The vice principal and Mr Porter walked over to him.
"Okay, Vice Principal Childs needs to check everyone's backpacks. Stay seated, hands on the desk."
I groaned as a few students shifted uneasily near the front of the class. I looked to Zach and raised an eyebrow enquiringly.
He shook his head with a sly smile.
Thank God.
I smiled sarcastically at the grumpy police officer as he unzipped my backpack. After chucking my stuff onto the table and finding nothing of interest he dropped my empty bag onto the floor.
"Thanks for that." I groaned, gathering my things back into my bag. One kid at the front of the class got hauled off to the office for a small packet of some drug or other.
Unlucky for me,  bio was only the second lesson of the day.

*. *. *.

Third period English was pretty boring until I saw the officer from earlier marching past, Clay in tow. Clay as in, Clay Jensen.
I sat upright in my seat, trying to crane my neck to watch him walk past. There was no way that he'd been caught in the drug search they'd performed earlier.
As soon as the bell for break rang the murmurs started. They only increased as I walked into the canteen to find where Zach was sitting. He waved me over and I sat down beside him, placing his warm hand over mine. My mind was whirring a mile a minute and I tried my best to answer Courtney's questions about an upcoming math paper. I tried subtly diverting my attention by people-watching. I observed the different groups of people in the queue. The groups of people at their self allocated tables, some laughing, some reading, some staring at tiny screens. My lip curled up in distaste as I glanced to Eden's table where she was chatting with some of her newfound girlfriends. Everyone loved Eden so I wasn't surprised. Well... almost everyone. They all seemed to be happy though. 

As I dwelled on the fact that most of those smiles hid broken expressions my mind turned back to Clay who'd marched past my classroom only minutes ago.
It was at that moment my phone buzzed with a notification and Clay's name popped up in front of the lock screen of Zach and I.
"Car park?"
I slowly turned off my phone and slid it into my back jeans pocket. I then started to rise from the table and Zach peered up at ne questioningly.
"I'm just going to get some fresh air." I smiled, unlocking my hand from his grasp.
"I'll come with." He offered and my eyes widened almost comically.
"No!" I gasped. "I mean... I'll be fine by myself."
His eyes were swimming with concern and slight suspicion as he double and triple checked I was okay before watching my retreating back with hawk like eyes as I headed towards the car park.
I went the long way, peering back over my shoulder every few minutes to check I wasn't being tailed by a concerned boyfriend.
Upon checking the coast was clear I then darted across the tarmac to the bench beneath the oak tree.
"Hey." Clay nodded in greeting and I sighed deeply as I dropped down next to him.
"Hey. What happened earlier? I saw you walk past my class."
"Someone put drugs in my bag and I don't know who but I have an idea." He grunted. "And then I had to confront my pissed off mother."
"At least yours shows emotions." I shrugged. "Other than hysterical anyways. Are you sure you're okay? You don't look too good." I asked as he hunched over in the bench, as though he would continue to hunch until he crumpled in on himself. The silence that endured after the question was almost physically painful.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
I shrugged.
"Everyone asks me. It's my turn to ask someone else."
"I miss her." He admitted. "Really fucking bad. I didn't know how empty it would feel. There's this really big part of the world that's gone and... everyone else just keeps moving forwards. The worst part is there's nothing I can do. I can't save her, I can't... I can't bring her back."
"I understand Clay, more than anyone... perhaps even more than you do yourself. You loved her Clay... Didn't you? Because those feelings you're describing... it's exactly the emotions I can't put into words. The idea that part of you is missing and can never be filled again. Hannah took that piece of me with her and I don't think I'll ever be the same again... If I'm being honest, I've never wanted for anything more than to be able to turn back time and stop it before it all began."
The next silence that surrounded us held a different air, finally it felt as though someone understood me, there was someone who actually cared but didn't know how to cope. It didn't mend my shattered heart but to know that I wasn't alone was the first step to healing.