13 Reasons why // The 14th Reason

// 22 //

Some girls know all the lyrics to each other's songs. They find harmonies in their laughter. Their linked elbows echo in tune. What if I can't hum on key? What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears?

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At the end of the day I was waiting for Zach in the school parking lot. I was still waiting by the time almost all of the students had trickled out.
"What the hell?" I sighed, pulling out my phone to message him.
I then walked into the school to try and find him. I walked past the last classroom he was in to find it empty, with only the teacher sitting at the desk. I frowned and headed to his locker. There was no one there. Then I decided to try the last place he might have been.
As I headed down the corridor to the Sports hall I heard a loud voice,
"Cause she told the truth about me."
I then almost collided with Alex. He hissed and clutched his stomach.
"Hey Alex, are you okay?" I asked, touching his arm gently. He nodded and brushed me off,
"Fine."
Then behind him appeared Zach.
"There you are! Do you have any idea how long I was waiting."
Zach looked back over his shoulder guiltily.
"What were you doing?" I asked, trying to peer through the doors. He placed himself in front of me.
"Nothing. Let me take you home." I frowned but nodded, looking back at the hall as we walked away.

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I wanted a purpose, a reason for being on this planet. But that poetry group looked like an AA meeting. Or a support group. I saw no one within decades of my age, apart from my sister, who had unwillingly been dragged along with me. She sat beside me, rolling her eyes throughout most of it, still managing to make me smile occasionally. But then I saw you. You were the only other high school kid in the room. Ryan Shaver, Liberty High's resident intellectual, editor of 'Lost and Found', general, selfish snob.

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I remembered clearly the poetry group. Hannah had begged me to come along with her and I couldn't say no.
I remember the First Lady who went up to read and she began dramatically,
"O! Mother Earth!" I snorted rather loudly and had to cover it up with a cough as a few people around us glared.
"Sorry." I whispered, turning to Hannah. She bit her lip to stop from laughing and I looked down at my lap, letting my hair fall over my shoulder as my shoulders shook with giggles.
When we got back home we talked to Mom as we tidied up the shop.
"Maybe you should consider going back." Mom suggested. "You were thinking about a career as a writer." They both talked about careers for a while as I battled the alarm.
"Yeah, you'll need to tell dad this is broken." I sighed. Mom walked over to both of us and placed a hand on each of our cheeks.
"I am never going to tell you what you have to do with your life. Do what you feel is right. Don't settle." I turned to Hannah and looked at her with a small smile. She smiled back. Suddenly the door opened and in walked Ryan.
"We're closed." Hannah said quickly.
"Hannah!"
"Mom, he's not a customer." Hannah sighed. Mom's eyes lit up and she made some excuse about getting her coat. I laughed at her assumption as Hannah rolled her eyes.
"Ryan, what do you want? We're legitimately closed." She sighed.
"I have something for you. A peace offering. Your thoughts deserve a place to live." He said, pulling out a notebook.
"Wow, you do a really convincing imitation of a thinking, feeling human." Hannah replied. I snorted quietly. When Ryan looked over at me I backed away into the hair aisle.
"Hannah... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to write anything to offend you. I know what it's like."
"You do?" Hannah asked.
"I mean, please." Ryan said, raising an eyebrow. "Just come back to the Library. Come back to poetry."
"Maybe." Hannah replied. Ryan nodded hopefully, then left.
I turned to Hannah,
"He's not so bad." She nodded. "Oh and, if you do go back, please don't take me with you. That lady I sat next to must think I've got lung disease the amount of times I 'coughed'!"
I laughed and Hannah joined in happily, clutching the journal.

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"Oh, Olivia. I'm so sorry I didn't come in sooner. How are you holding up?" I looked curiously round the corner as Zach's Mom walked into the shop.
"Uh, We're managing." Mom managed to say.
"You look great. Oh, Olivia, Hannah was such a great girl. Zach said, so many nice things about her." I scoffed quietly as I listened to the conversation. Although I was hanging out with Zach again I couldn't help but feel as though I could t trust him as much as I did before.
"How is Zach?" Mom asked. "Melanie hadn't talked about him much recently."
"Oh, he's doing great. Every college is looking at him for basketball but... he wants to be a marine biologist. Can you believe it? A marine biologist." She laughed lightly.
"A marine biologist." Mom repeated quietly. I slipped around the corner and smiled politely at Zach's Mom.
"Melanie, Sweetie. How are you?"
"I'm fine thank you." I answered politely. I then turned to my mom, "can you check the stock out back, I think we need more buy one get one half price stickers." I said and watched as she shuffled away. I then excused myself from talking to Zach's Mom, muttering something about homework.

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It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning. It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself. I keep finding stones tied to my feet.

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I said goodbye to Zach in the morning, heading to home room early so as not to interact with my group of 'friends'. I was having a day that I occasionally had. A day where everything seemed bleak and I couldn't face having to put a smile on my face just for the benefit of others. The day passed in a blur. I spent break in the girls bathroom and the same for lunch. Classes consisted of me scribbling down the notes that the teacher spewed out and watching the clock tick torturously slow. My eyesight blurred and I spaced out, thinking of the one thing I couldn't ever get off my mind.
Hannah.