Love Only

Xlll

She twists the knob and slowly pushes the door open, the sound of Ally, Normani and Dinah's boisterous laugh reaching her ears as she opens the door completely.

The sight makes Lauren's eyes well up and brim with tears. Dinah and Normani are sitting at the foot of the bed, bickering while Camila and Ally laugh at their antics. It's a sight that Lauren missed all this time, and she'd give anything and do anything to have this again. To keep seeing this.

However, Ally glances in Lauren's direction and smiles, prompting the other three to turn and look at her. The green-eyed girl feels a little uncomfortable under their gaze, and she shifts on her feet.

"Well," Ally stands up and kisses Camila's forehead, whispering something to the brunette before she drags Dinah and Normani to get up from the bed, "we'll leave you two to talk."

Lauren nods faintly and steps aside, letting the three pass. She gives them a small grateful smile before tentatively closing the door on their wake, giving them complete privacy.

Lauren looks at Camila, her vision fogging up as she tries her best to fight back the tears threatening to spill. She nearly lost this woman, and hell would freeze over before she'd let her go again.

"I love you," Lauren blurts out.

Camila's eyes widen, "Laur--"

"No," Lauren interrupts, reaching the side of the bed in a few long strides, "let me finish, please."

Camila sniffles and nods at Lauren, giving her permission to finish.

"All my life, I've always hidden who I truly am. I have always been scared of what other people might say because despite my sassy no-nonsense attitude, there's this insecurity lurking inside of me making me build these walls up to protect myself. But you Camila," Lauren reaches for Camila's hand and holds it in her own, her thumb caressing the brunette's knuckles, "you broke all those walls and made your way in so easily. You made me feel like my emotions matter..that I matter."

"You were right in that song, you know," Lauren continues, her glossy green eyes not leaving Camila's brown ones. "I really was scared of my emotions. But more importantly, I was scared of how much you were starting to mean to me; I was scared of how fast and hard I was falling for you that the more I tried to fight it, the stronger these feelings for you got. That wanting more of us than secret casual hook ups would destroy our friendship. I was scared of the consequences falling in love with you would bring us. I was so scared of all that.." The green-eyed girl closes her eyes and hangs her head low, finally letting the tears drop.

"Lauren.." Camila whispers softly and weakly squeezes Lauren's hand.

"That's the reason why I pushed you away," Lauren finally admits. "The very same reason why all this Camren thing on the Internet made me fucking angry. Because in everywhere I turn, the reminder of what could've been's kept slapping me in the face when I was trying to suppress all these feelings thinking that maybe if I ignore them, I'd somehow get over you. But all it did to me was lose you." The green-eyed girl grits her teeth, feeling the hatred towards herself bubble up to the surface. "And I got so caught up in my own feelings that I didn't acknowledge yours. I was so selfish, Camz..."

"You weren't, Lauren." Camila reassures softly, looking up at Lauren through unshed tears.

"I was," Lauren argues as she sniffles, looking right into Camila's eyes. "And that selfishness made me lose the girl I love. Made me lose you," she sniffles, her heart breaking in two.

She doesn't know where all of this came from, all she knows is that the need to let all this out is so palpable, she knows that even when she's just taking a shot in the dark, at the end of the day, she won't have any regrets laying all her cards out knowing that she'd done her best to convey her feelings towards Camila.

"You didn't lose me, Lauren.." Camila whispers and smiles up at Lauren. "You never did."

"What?" Lauren looks up at Camila and frowns. "B-But Matthew is your--"

Camila gives Lauren a pointed look. "I'm gay Lauren, you know that."

"But--oh," Lauren nods dumbly, heat slowly creeping up her cheeks. "PR, huh?"

"Mm," Camila hums in response, nodding before she stops with a small yawn. "You should get some sleep, Camz. You need all the rest you can get," Lauren suggests and sits on the bed, careful not to lean on the tubes and wires still connected to the still frail Latina lying on the bed.

"No," the brunette shakes her head stubbornly and blinks slowly, her eyelids slowly closing but she continues to fight it. "We still need to talk.."

Lauren chuckles softly and shakes her head at how stubborn Camila can be. "Don't worry, Camz," she says. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"You promise..?"

Lauren smiles, "I promise." And she's going to keep it this time.

She leans in and kisses Camila's forehead. God, she longed to do that for a long time.

Camila closes her eyes at the gesture and smiles. "Oh and Lauren?" She says sleepily. Lauren just hums, waiting for the brunette to continue.

Camila slowly succumbs into sleep, and just when Lauren thinks the brunette forgot what she was about to say and finally fell asleep, she heard her whisper, "I love you too.."