Nobody Was There. | Dear Evan Hansen | Tree bros

dangerous thoughts and suicide talks

September 18, 2017

If there was one thing Connor wanted more than anything it was to be able to talk to his family even if everything went wrong. He wanted to try. But at the same time, he didn't.

It was a couple hours before the time he normally woke up and he snuck out of the house. Connor put in his headphones, played his strange collection of music, and let himself be calm for a bit.

He walked until he reached the bridge he came to almost every day. He sat down and dangled his legs over the edge.

He wondered what would happen to the world if he jumped, a thought that was not rare for him.

Yeah, Connor came to this spot all the time.

To think.

To stop thinking.

Today it was a strange mixture of both. Normally some things didn't get to him too easily, but he still felt really bad about what he did to Evan. Apparently though, not bad enough, because he wouldn't even bother to apologize.

Connor sighed, scooting a bit closer to the edge.

He wasn't going to jump. That would be terrible. There was a high chance that he wouldn't die from that height and would experience extreme pain and hate life even more than he already did.

Yeah.

Definitely a bad idea.

As Connor looked at the ground far beneath him, he heard footsteps coming in his direction.

Fuck.

Connor didn't move, hoping he would be overlooked, but it didn't happen. He heard the footsteps become closer.

"Hey"

Connor saw someone sit next to him, immediately knowing who it was. He looked up to see Evan Hansen.

"What are you doing here so early?" Evan sounded like he hadn't gotten much sleep. Connor was confused. They had both been avoiding each other for a week and now suddenly Evan just decided to talk to Connor. It was strange, considering you wouldn't expect Evan Hansen of all people to do that sort of thing. Still, Connor was too tired to get mad about it or even care.

Connor didn't reply, not sure of how much he should say. Evan swung his legs back and forth over the edge. He seemed anxious. But then again, when did he not?

Evan sighed and said, "just so you know, I wasn't trying to kill myself." Connor didn't believe it for a second, and it seemed like Evan could tell, so he explained.

"I-I mean, um when I fell off the- the tree, it was just because m-my anxiety was acting up... It happens... A lot." Connor still wasn't entirely convinced.

"What about that time in the bathroom? I know you were trying to overdose, " Connor shot back, agitated.

Evan flinched at the other boy's words. The taller boy wondered whether that was because Evan was lying or because Connor was just being a pain in the ass. It was probably both. "I-I wasn't. I was um just-just trying to-to take my a-anxiety medication, " Evan said, his stammering increasing.

At this point, Connor was willing to believe Evan's story. He just went with it, mostly because it would be way less awkward for the both of them. "Alright. I believe you, " Connor finally said in an annoyed tone, looking away from Evan. A long awkward silence remained and the two looked anywhere but at each other. That was when Connor made up his mind

Taking a deep breath, Connor said, "Sorry."

Evan made eye contact with Connor and said,"It's okay." very awkwardly before looking back down at his still swinging legs.

Connor had a feeling it wasn't okay. "Do you wanna walk to school with me?" He said, kind of taking pity on the boy. Evan didn't say or do anything. He even stopped swinging his legs.

Then he nodded without looking at Connor. Whether he actually accepted because he wanted to or not, Connor wasn't sure.

All he knew was that he was walking to school with Evan Hansen.