Promising Memoirs | soft h.s.

Chapter 76.

A/N i: 

I actually had to add this one in just now, because I've just seen that my story has reached 50K reads!!! Thank you so, so much to all of my lovely readers that have supported me and stuck with me throughout my long writing journey. I never would have imagined this to ever happen. 

I love you all so dearly! 

A/N ii: 

de·sire:

the definition of this chapter.

Journal entires are continued through most of this chapter ... 

S x

Songs for the chapter:

Not Today - Imagine Dragons
Long Way Down - One Direction

Aubrey's POV.

June 14th, 2016.

I talked to Natalie and she's agreed to help me. I bounced so many ideas back and forth with her, but she kept pushing me back to my first original choice — to propose to her with my own personal artwork.

Aubrey loves absolutely anything artsy or design related, but specifically, abstract paintings. I could tell the night of Natalie's art show, that her eyes somehow lit up when she saw her work. She explained things to me in such a particular manner, in ways that I couldn't have ever imagined seeing. Of course the problem with my own idea, I can't do absolutely anything art related.

I mean sure, Natalie has offered to help me. To help with bringing the emotions I feel inside into visual life representation. Quote: "You can do that through colours, lines, textures, and so much more". I believe her with everything she said, it's just, I didn't know if I believed in myself. I'm far from an artist. The only thing that I remember that had anything remotely close to art, was when I was ten. I'll never forget the day I was forced to draw a bowl of fruits in my class. That taught me nothing, it couldn't even help me now. 

All I know, is that I didn't want to rush this. I want to take my time to work and think on things. I've already spent that last couple of days researching on how to create 'abstract' and I might have an idea, I just hope that I can do it.

—//—

June 29th, 2016.

Aubrey's grandfather passed away. She's been an emotional wreck, but nonetheless, I still love her. I have to be there for her and there's no other place I'd rather be. The things that she'd just been through in the past 72 hours have been intense and I'm just glad that I could be here for her.

She was an incredibly strong person and I love that about her. Three life changing things have occurred and I had no idea how she was still able to hang on. One of the people she loves most, had passed; she found out that her father has been cheating on her mum; then there's her mum, who wouldn't really care about her daughter's happiness. Like she mentioned, it was a dysfunctional family, but hers wasn't the only one. The two of us came from broken families and I think being together has helped us both in so many ways.

The look when I showed her the surprise here in Banff, was the light of my life — which is what she is. That's all I ever wanted to do, is make her happy, even in the times where she didn't want to smile. I wanted to show her that life is still great in other ways, even in our saddest times.

If only I hadn't tried to pull a move on her now. She is so vulnerable and emotional, and I tried to push her into something I knew she wanted to wait for. I was caught up in the moment, but she was just so beautiful and irresistible. I love her so, but I need to control myself further. I needed to — especially in times like this.