ForthBeam - What is this?✅

20 - All or Nothing

With my eyes cast away from him, I bit my lower lip, thinking, hoping, that I could find a way out without having to give in to him. He pressed harder into me when I tried to move my legs. I hardly suppressed the groan which nearly escaped me.

Not only was his face too close to mine, now I could feel the familiar firmness of his body on mine, I could feel the heat radiating off his body. They need to make these bathrobes thicker because I don’t like how I was feeling him through it. Could he tell that I was considering either stomping on his foot or kicking him in the balls? Why did he have to squash my brilliant ideas?

Maybe I should bite him, but that seems like such a little girl move and I’m not too keen on sinking my perfect teeth into another man’s flesh. But I can’t come up with anything else now, I can hardly think straight as it is.

“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it.” I had just turned my head, considering biting his arm or something when he made that statement.

“Ai asshole, I won’t be thinking of doing anything if you’ll let me go.” I exploded with anger. Because of him that girl will never see me as a man again. While trying to get it on with her, thoughts of how he might react if he finds out bothered me. Feeling like I might be cheating on him bugged me. Worrying that he’ll hate me scared me. Why do I have to feel this way? We’re not dating yet.

“Whether I let you go or not depends on you.” I pressed my back harder into the wall, trying to get a little more space between us. It was pointless.

“Fuck you Forth. I-I d-don’t…” He moved a hand off the wall and held my chin, cutting me off mid-sentence. He turned my head so I was facing him.

“Look at me and say it.” He hissed. Is he getting impatient? I am getting impatient. This is not a comfortable position I’m in.

“Why are you putting me in such a difficult position? Is it not enough that I couldn’t do it with her because I was worried you’ll hate me?” I struggled while I spoke, trying to get out. I was even angrier that I had to admit to such an embarrassing thing. I hit his shoulders when he wouldn’t let me escape. “Let me go. You got what you wanted, so let me go.”

“What is it you think I wanted? I don't want you telling me what you think I want to hear. I want the truth."

“Fine. I care about your feelings. Are you happy now?”

“Not yet. I want to know if you have feelings for me, I want to know if you’ll date me.”

“You’re asking for too much asshole. Isn’t it enough that I care about your feelings?”

“It’s not enough. I want it all. Give me all or give me nothing.” I groaned in frustration. How can he be doing this to me? What does he think it means if I care about his feelings? Is it not obvious that it means I have feelings for him? Why do I have to say it?

We stood there, in a standoff. Our breathing was the only sound one could hear. ‘Don’t break, don’t give in.’ These words echoed over and over in my head. But fuck, I could feel myself losing. Why is he so resilient? I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to have to say it, but I wanted to get this over with.