So Comes Snow After Fire

19.iii

Several days after the vote, Sif found Kíli in the grand reception hall, where many of the Council guests gathered before dinner. Kíli was finishing a conversation with a young Firebeard warrior when he saw her waiting for a chance to speak with him.

He had last met her in the miners' taproom over a sennight ago. She was dressed more formally today, in a frock rather than work shirt and trousers, but he recognized the same anxious set to her eyes that she had worn that day when she had asked obliquely about Fíli.

When Kíli was free, Sif approached and stood awkwardly for a moment, clearly wondering if she ought to bow. Kíli was relieved when she did not.

"Good evening, Sif," he said, hoping to head off any formal greetings. He knew what she was going to say, and he did not want her to begin by flourishing his title at him. Surely now they were linked too closely for such ceremony.

She seemed to feel so, too, for she said without preamble, "Kíli, thank you for giving me and Fíli our chance."

Though he had expected her words, Kíli was still not entirely sure how to respond. He knew Sif and he both felt far more than could be expressed by the conventional terms of gratitude. But finally he said, "You're welcome."

Sif looked up at him, a furrow between her pale brows. "You mustn't think I don't feel how very wonderful this is. The truth is—" Two tears swelled and fell from her eyes. "I don't know how to be happy when the only reason I can be is that you may not."

"Sif..." He put his hands gingerly on her shoulders. After spending so much time with Tauriel, it was still somewhat strange to remember that most women in his life were shorter than he. Yet with Sif, the contrast did not pain him, as it might have with Audha. "It's not your fault. I had to marry, no matter what else happened."

She regarded him steadily from blue eyes a shade darker that Fíli's own.

"You've given very much for Fíli," Sif said. "I cannot ever repay you."

"Just... Be happy," Kíli urged her, feeling once more at a loss for how to acknowledge all that connected them. He pressed her shoulders lightly and let go of her.

"I will try," she told him, and Kíli thought she looked somewhat relieved to know that she had his permission to be so. "I wish— I wish there was a way you could still be with her."

"Thank you."

Impulsively, Sif clasped his hand and kissed it. Then with a furtive glance beyond Kíli's shoulder, she turned and hurried off.

Glancing in the same direction she had, Kíli saw that Audha had approached. Had Sif been uncomfortable because they had spoken of Tauriel or because of how near Fíli had come to marrying the Blacklock noble lady?

"She's the lady your brother chose?" Audha asked once she stood at Kíli's side.

"Yes. Sif Ironsides."

"I am sorry I missed her, but surely we will meet soon enough." After a few moments, she added thoughtfully, "I don't suppose she is fond of me, since Fíli was expected to choose me. I do not blame her." Kíli imagined Audha might have very similar reasons for disliking Sif, but if she did, she did not show it.

"She is quite shy," Kíli said in Sif's defense. "She never even spoke to Fíli until the day he left. I don't think she believed she would ever see him again; she cried, and Fíli was very embarrassed and upset. And then he forgot, until she arrived here. But I'm sure she never forgot him."

Kíli wasn't quite sure why he was telling Audha all this. He supposed he needed her to understand how important it was that his brother got to be with the one who loved him.