The Conflicted

8.

Abel

"We can handle this tomorrow." Lamar said.

I sighed.

I wanted blood. I wanted revenge. Even though Nonie isn't mine, she's still mine and I will hurt anyone who hurts her-including myself.

I wanted to handle this shit immediately, but I decided to listen to Lamar.

Hearing what happened to Nonie made my stomach twist in knots.

I got up from the table and walked back over to my Hennessy that was still in the same spot I left it in.

Opening the bottle, I poured it into a glass and downed the drink quickly as I could before repeating the same step again.

I started to think about Nonie and how much I missed her. I hope she's okay and I hope she wasn't in pain. That's the last thing I want her to be in-physical and mental pain.

I looked over at Lamar and the rest of the crew all talking together, I saw their mouths moving, but I couldn't hear their voices.

My mind was all over the place and the thoughts were too loud for me to even function.

This is my fault.

If I didn't leave her, she wouldn't of ended up in the hospital and she wouldn't of met that-doctor-and that's when it hit me-that's where I remembered him from.

He was the bitch who wheeled Nonie out of the hospital. He was the bitch that was way too nice to her and he was all up on her when I went to pick her up.

Lamar continuously snapped in my face which finally pulled me from my thoughts. I looked at him in his eyes-feeling lost.

"Abel?" He questioned.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Maybe you should slow down on the drinking." He suggested calmly.

I looked at my bottle and noticed it was nearly gone. I slid the bottle away from myself and held onto the counter.

"Bro, you look out of it, are you good?" He asked suddenly after a moment of silence.

"No Mar." I answered dryly.

"Look, I know this is a lot, but Nonie will be alr-"

"I broke her fucking heart.. don't you get it? All this shit she's been in-been going through-is all my fault."

"I mean, all of those nights she thought about ending her life, 'cause of me is heart breaking."

"I tried to do what I thought was best and let her go and let her be happy, so she'd find someone who would treat her better than I could, but look at where she's at now. All of this shit leads back to me." I said, holding tears back

They were threatening to spill out and no matter how hard I tried to keep them from falling, I just couldn't take it.

I couldn't do it.

I kept thinking about what I did to her and it fucking hurt me inside and that's when they finally spilled out and slid down the sides of my cheeks.