ｄｏｎ'ｔ ｂｒｅａｋ ｍｙ ｈｅａｒｔ

Explaining The Unexplainable

I wish I wish I wish...

It's all I ever do anymore.

I wish I was enough.

I wish I was suitable.

I wish I wasn't a disappointment.

I wish they liked me.

I wish my wishes would be answered.

But they haven't.

So I stopped wishing.

I've started praying.

I'm praying for the answers to my un-improvement.

I pray to whatever God may be above me for help;

To keep trying to swim to the surface a bit longer.

I pray that I could explain my problems simply

to get a simple answer.

But explaining the un-explainable is killing me.

I find myself speaking,

(If I'm speaking at all)

In similes.

Depression is monotonous- an unwavering schedule:

Get up, eat maybe, get clean, go to school, come home, do work, eat (?), Sleep (?)

Repeat (x infinity til death)

It's like those sad songs for piano and violin in those videos

where someones staring out the rainy car window,

watching the cruel world go by.

Depression's a ghost.

Some days you feel fine

You feel what is considered "normal."

Then there are days where you can't even get out of bed

let alone wake up.

Guilt eats at you like a vulture devours a corpse.

No matter how hard you try sometimes you can't do it.

You are afraid to, and when you finally do, you

Can't Stop.

You are afraid that if you stop you won't be able to start again, so you

Run

Run

Run

Away from the problems that need to be addressed,

away from wrongdoings done to you,

from mistakes you made,

and even the wonderful things of life: Love, Laughter, and Sweet Friendships.

Eventually, you hit a wall and crash.

You can't keep going and instead you find yourself back where you begun.

Except this time, everything you ran from catches up to you.

It's gets Harder and Harder to

stand, walk, exist...

...and yet...

...those bright things in life...

well, they break through.

Like a candle in a subterranean cave, they illuminate the first step forward.

It seems impossible but there it is and you crawl.

You dread failure, but drag yourself towards that light anyway.

You use every bit of strength you can muster

You are fighting against your own mind that tells you it isn't worth it.

that you aren't worth it.

You are cut,

burned,

hurt,

terrified...

but you keep going.

Because in that time you were running,

you saw the light out of this darkness.

You glimpsed light outside the pit your soul is captured in.

You believe the light out there, that light of freedom, is worth it with all your being.

So you run again,

you fall again,

you crawl again.

Because someday you will make it out,

even if it's just for a moment.

Depression is Depression;

It is what it is.

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Song: Baby Don't Cut by B Mike

Don't harm your beautiful skin tonight. Don't leave. Hold onto that beacon of hope, but it'll be worth it; I hope. I care about you all. Stay Alive Frens. |-/

-ｋａｌｌｕｍ