His Kind Of Love

15

Whore.

That was the only word I can describe myself right now.

Right now, I am cuddled by Mark Kevin Hortaleza, best friend of my former fiancé. Why do I feel like I'm the dirtiest? How could I let my feelings ruled me?

More importantly, how could I not let it rule me? I saw how he adored and loved me with those beautiful eyes. More than James had adored me. More than anyone loved me. His eyes were just... I can't fathom how much I saw how he freaking love me! True enough, eyes can't lie. Never.

Paano ko makokontrol ang sarili ko sa sitwasyong iyon? I should have used my brain. But I guess my brain abandoned me the moment I stared back at his damn beautiful eyes!

And the moment we kissed, I knew that there was no turning back. I want him. I knew I wanted him more than he wanted me. I don't know what's gotten into me to want me kiss him that moment, it's just my heart knew what it also wanted, and so I did it. My heart was heated with passion for him, and I can't deny it.

Now that I gave in to my feelings, I let it ruled me, it's now my brain's turn to torture me. Torture me with thoughts I could not bear.

I sighed as I gently unclasped Kevin's hand around me, not wanting to wake him up coz if he does, I am sure I won't be able to control my feelings again.

I heard what he said crystal clear. He loves me. I know. I have that feeling since... I don't know. I'm scared to name it before but now that I heard it directly from him, I am more terrified than ever.

His love is just so overwhelming. It is just too good and pure to be true.

I carefully watched his face. I smiled. How could someone like him can love me like this? I bite my lower lip when my eyes started to water. My heart was beating fast and I'm afraid I'll wake him up.

I need to go, right?

We had sex. We made love. Kevin touches and held my body as if it was the most fragile thing in the world. Sa bawat halik at hawak sa katawan ko ay ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagmamahal na matagal na niyang itinatago. He's like showering me the love he can't show for a long time. Ramdam kong sabik siyang mahalin ako at iyon ang ikinatatakot ko. I'm afraid that I'm not worth it. I'm still broken and I'm afraid I'll break him too. I'm still not ready and I'm terrified that if I'll let him now, I'll just lose him forever.

I can't risk that. He is just too precious.

He made me feel so woman. He made me feel appreciated, cherished and important. I wiped my tears. I don't know what was the right feeling to feel. Everything is just so overwhelming and I can't handle this all at once, all at the same time.

Nakakatwang isipin na ako nga ang nag-udyok na gawin namin ang bagay na ito pero ako din pala ang unang lalayo.

What we did was unexplainably bizarre but I am not strong enough to risk my heart, not when I know I'm not ready. Not yet. I know I will just hurt him in the end.

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at isinuot ang mga damit niya. Umupo ako sa edge ng kama at tinitigan ang kanyang mukha. I can't help myself to smirk, he's too gorgeous, as in god-like sexy. His face was perfectly made. Those chiseled jaws and nose was just so hot. I brushed his unruly hair using my hand, I hope he won't mind brushing up his hair ever, he looked ten times gorgeous when his hair was a mess. I smiled. I will never forget this face.

"Niligtas mo na naman ako." Bulong ko.

He really is my knight. He was always there whenever I was in trouble. When James did not see me on our wedding day. He's too good for me and I will be too selfish to I let him love me now.