Saving Grace {Haylor}

Maybe

I end up back at Britany's. Bawling my eyes out while she tries to be supportive. This was going to happen. I knew it was. And I was stupid to think it wouldn't. What we had was too perfect. All we were supposed to be was a stupid little summer fling that fills you with joy and when they leave it's like they never came. That's all that way. Clearly our relationship couldn't handle the winter and snow storms. It just wasn't us.

"What about, Annie, though?" Brit strokes the side of my head and it's hard to pull myself together.

"She'll be just fine without me."

"You can say that, but everyone knows that's not true."

My spine tightens. "Well it has to be."

"Taylor, you outta talk to him. This is probably some big misunderstanding. You probably read the texts and just got paranoid. We both know Harry isn't that kinda person.

"I saw the texts Brit. He was going to her house to drop something off or pick something up and she said she couldn't wait and that she was just so happy and he said he was nervous and she told him not to worry... If it was you and Nate instead of Harry and I, you would be doing the exact same thing." My stomach tightens. "This poor child. It doesn't deserve this. It deserves so much better. It deserves anyone other than me and my emotionally distressed life." I press into my side.

"That's a lie. This baby... Your baby only wants you. No matter how distressed you are at the moment. That's what family is."

I shake my head. "You weren't there when I was having my mental breakdown, Brit. You weren't there to experience. No matter how many anxiety pills I take, this ain't going away."

"You should talk to Ha-"

"I swear to god, Britany you say that one more fucking time. I dare you."

"Mercy, sweetheart." She releases grip on me and stands up. "Do whatever your little heart desires. You can stay here until you get stuff sorted out but don't get mad at me when I try to help."

Brit walks off and I can only assume she's making tea. "Want some?"

"Sure, whatever." I mumble and I hear the kettle start to boil.

There's a knock at the door and Brut starts mumbling to herself. Something about how she wasn't expecting company. "Were you?" She asks and I just shake my head. "Nate shouldn't be home til tomorrow, this is strange."

Her feet scuff against the hardwood and I hear her gasp. "Britany, where is Taylor?"

I grasp my stomach and push my head to my knees.

"Harry, I don't think she wants to talk to you right now." I hear a slam to the door and brit sighs. "I tried to get her to talk, she won't. And honestly, I can't blame her. No entry, Styles."

"I didn't do anything!" He urges on and I try so hard not to fall apart.

"You need to leave, Harry."

"Just... Tell me, is she okay?" His voice is at a whisper.

"I don't know yet, but I know you need to do. She'll talk when she's ready."

It's silent for a minute and I can feel my chest get heavier every second.

"I love you, Taylor!" He shouts and I hear the seal of the door block the rest of him out. The deadbolt licking and it's not long before Brit joins me, handing me a cup of tea. She doesn't say anything, but neither do I. We sit in silence until the break of a call to brit's phone interrupts and she leaves to answer.

•••

That night sleep is a understatement. I laid there, staring at the ceiling for... God knows how long. Just staring, thinking, crying, and then repeating. My mind pops from topic to topic every few seconds and I know it's the reason for my headache. Like Annie, what if she was having a nightmare, who would rub her back until she fell asleep? Harry can't even fit in her bed...

I'm not even sure what exactly I'm feeling. I'm numb, nearly.

If Harry had been messing around with Kate, how didn't I know? That's that bugged me. How didn't I pick up on it? All those late shifts... All the fights. I wasn't giving him what he wanted, so he went elsewhere...

My stomach twists.

And now I'm pregnant with his child. With his innocent child that is bound to have his dimples but not his love. I run my hands across my abdomen and take a deep breath, feeling my skin curve around my ribs.

Was I not pretty enough? Mature enough? Was i not old enough or did I not show affection enough? Where did I go wrong? What made him find someone better... What made him not want me anymore.

I turn under the blankets and on to my side where I look out the window. Stargazing alway seemed to calm me down. Back when I was in the hospital I used to walk down to the sitting area and stare at them through the windows. No one was ever there to join me, but I liked it that way. A nurse would often pop in to just make sure I was okay or if I needed anything. But I didn't. I never did. I just stared at constellations, praying for some kinda words of advice, some kinda realization.

Sometimes sleeping just wasn't an option. Just like back then.

Hours go by and the sun starts to rise. It must have been eight, maybe nine am and I'm still lying in bed. Counting ceiling speckles. There's a knock on the door and by the way the rhythm goes I know it's Brit. "Taylor? You up?" She whispers through the wood.

"Yeah." I say back, pulling blankets back over my chin.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Want some breakfast? I made eggs and bacon with cheese toast." She clears her throat, "there's that hazelnut coffee you like, too!"

"No thanks. I'm okay."

"You sure? I could bring it up to you. We could eat together."

"Really Brit, I'm fine." I mumble, closing my eyes and I can hear her fingernails pick at the door.

She sighs. "Okay, well I'll just leave it out here for you if you want. There's stuff in the bathroom here if you want to take a shower or anything like that... Maybe we could go shopping later."

"Maybe."

"Okay... I'm gonna go eat then, and I'll come see you in a bit, make a shopping list and stuff."

I don't say anything else and I watch her shadow from underneath the door disappear slowly. "Okay, Brit."