Saving Grace {Haylor}

Letter

We get back to the room to gather our things but I'm still cradling Annie in my arms. The child that I thought was so mature and strong, she's still only just a give year old girl. She's as weak as the rest of us. Harry's in the room, packing up the things while I stand with Annie, trying to sooth her. But she just lost her mother. You can really sooth anyone.

The nurse walks up to me and hands me a box with a letter on top. "When Alyssa took her last breaths she said to make sure this got to you. This one is for you. In not sure what's inside but I'm sure there will be instructions or something in that one." I nod and give her a polite thank you before trying to juggle both and Annie and the box.

Harry comes out of the room, his watery eyes look up at mine. "I'll come get the rest of her stuff later. Let's just get home." He takes the box and changes it for my purse. "What this?" He asks, feeling the weight. It honestly wasn't all that heavy.

"No idea. Apparently she... left it for me." Annie's crying has seemed to soft and I think it's only because she's ran out of tears. We walk out to Harry's car and I offer to drive but he shrugs it off. It's only know that I realize that Harry has a nice car. Shiny and new. I didn't realize he had that kind of money. When I put Annie down she's asleep and rubbing her eyes. Clenching the cat I bought her just the other day. I buckle her in and kiss her forehead before jumping in the passenger seat.

Harry sits and stares ahead. I know he wants to breakdown. I can see it and sense it. I push my hand to his shoulder and rub his back. He looks at me briefly and smiles rawly. "Babe, I"

"It's fine you don't have to say anything. I understand." I push his messy hair out of his face and look into his lazy eyes. "Let's go home and get some sleep." He nods and buckles up then starts backing up.

It's funny how I'm referring to his place as home when I haven't even been there. Maybe I'm just trying to go with this curve ball. Accept it as much as I can. Maybe this was somehow where I was supposed to be. Maybe I've been supposed to leave TN for a long time. Maybe this was where I really belonged. I look over my shoulder and Annie is still passed out. Red hair falling in her eyes. "Kids are mean to her?" I say and I want to take it back as soon as it comes out.

"Annie? Yeah... Why?"

"She just seems too... Cute to pick on." I look at Harry and he's staring at her in the rear view.

"Yeah, kids are mean though. I don't know what their problem is. Teachers say Annie is an angel. She keeps to herself and doesn't harm anyone. So we tried putting her in a different school, but things got worse. And it's only kindergarten."

"She said you're homeschooling her... Is that the best choice?"

"It was then, and I think it is now." He snaps, hitting the steering wheel and my heart stops. "If we're going to be moving a lot, it's probably the only choice! She's not going to want to be hoping schools, Taylor." I nod and it's silent. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. You don't deserve that."

"It's fine babe, you're upset. I shouldn't of brought it up."

"Taylor, please, this isn't your fault. Don't take blame. Don't you ever let me talk to you like that... Ever!"

"Har, it-"

"Taylor."

"Fine." I sigh softly and just continue to look out the window. Trying to convince myself that this was my home for the time being. Home was where the hear was. And my heart was with Harry.

We get to the house and it's larger than I had expected. Much larger. With a staircase leading to French doors and a double garage with a stone driveway. It was beautiful and full of greenery which looked like it was plucked from a movie. Harry had asked me if I could get Annie ready for bed while he showered. I agreed. She was already exhausted and it wasn't that hard.

We changed her into a sleeping beauty night gown and I tucked her in under the covers. "Will you turn on my stars?" She whimpers and I look at her confused.

"What stars sweetie?" I move hair out of her eyes and she points over my shoulder to twinkle lights surrounding her room.

"My stars." She says softly, battling to keep her eyes open.

I stand and pull in the desired lights and before my eyes the room lights up. Just like little stars. "Better?" I ask smiling.

"Yes, thank you."

I walk back over and kiss her forehead. "Goodnight Annie." I whisper and as I walk out she calls me back in. "Taylor..."

"Yeah, hun?"

"My mommy went away, didn't she?"

I don't really know what to say so I just nod. "Yeah, baby. She did." She rolls over and brings the covers over her shoulder before mumbling and soft goodnight.

I change into pjs and crawl into Harry's bed. The shower still running. I have the box I'm my lap and the letter. I take a deep breath and run my fingers over the envelope. My name in shaky writing. I pull out the paper and it's roughly two pages long. I clear my throat and start reading.

Dearest Taylor,

Has anyone ever told you how strong you are? Because well, you are. I don't think you realize the amount of courage it takes to be here, while I wither away to nothing.

These past few days... They have meant more to me than you realize. You've put a smile on my daughters face. A smile I didn't think I would ever physically see again. You've made Harry happier than I've seen him in years. And me... You've been so unbelievingly kind, there for my every beck and call...

Thank you.

I'm writing this letter because I can feel it coming. It's not long now and I know it's time to say goodbye. In fact, I just asked you to go have dinner so I could get some rest. I don't want you to be here when it happens. I don't want to hear my daughters cries. But I know they will come. And that's what this letter is for.

This letter is for a task that I need you to complete. For the past few months I've collected birthday cards and wrote letters and notes to Annie for her up until her 21st birthday. And from there her high school graduation, her engagement, her wedding day, her first pregnancy... Whatever event you can imagine, there's something there for it. And I need you to pass those down.

My biggest dream was to always see my daughter get married, and even though I won't be there... I know you will be. And I'm so incredibly thankful for that. I'm thankful because one) you have an incredible sense in style and two) your heart is bigger than I've ever seen.

So Taylor, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for the light you have brought to this family. Thank you for the love you have bestowed and thank you for your strength.

Sending my love from the heavens above,

Alyssa