feel something ー a newtmas fanfiction

ch. 34

    Thomas wouldn't dwell on the fact that Minho called him something other than his name—he was too exhausted and both physically and emotionally drained to even scold him.

    The only thing on his mind was Newt.
    And as they drove in the asian's car, he was hit hard by the huge mistake he'd just made.

    "You just left him.
    Your boyfriend. At the pool. On your first date. Alone.
    You're sitting next to your ex.
    And you just asked him to take you home."

    That's what the demon on his shoulder said, but the angel...

    "You told him the truth, and the truth was that you didn't want to bring Newt down again.
    You don't want to hurt him by showing-"

    True, but not as convincing.

    "We both know Newt doesn't mind; we both know he wants what's best, and what makes you happy. Yet, here you are, in the car of the guy who made you breakdown in the first place, and there he is, in the shrinking community pool as you drive away. He's the angel. And you just pushed him away. Very far away, might I add, I mean we're downtown, Thomas. We're extremely far away from home. Even if you do decide to come back, Newt will know that you left him. How do you think that will make him feel? On your first date, what an amazing boyfriend you ar-"

    "You're not even helping him!"

    "I'm a demon, why would I help him? My job is to provide the real deal while you sugarcoat every little-"

    "Thomas, don't listen to him. You did something very selfless-"

    "And wrong. This guy, your ex, obviously still has feelings for you deep down. What if something happens? Something you'll regret? Selflessness won't save you then, and you'll end up losing them both. And surprise! You'll just end up killing yourself. Then, you know what'll happen? They'll feel so bad, especially Newt, and guess what Tommy? They'll end up joining you."

    A tear fluttered down from his eyelid onto his cheek, and his heart twisted like a wrung towel. Everything hurt, and it seemed to only get worse as he moved farther away from the blonde.
    It was getting so hard to breathe.

    "Hey," the asian glanced at him, seeing how he cried quietly. "We're almost there; it'll be okay."

   Newt. I want Newt. Please, go get him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Newt. I'm sorry. Please...

    Minho placed a hand on his knee, and Thomas flinched. He was incredibly on edge—every little thing put him off.

The asian's heart broke. "..Can you talk to me?"

    But Thomas had already forgot what he was saying back there. All that went on in his head was, Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt.

"Thomas, is it because I.....Look, I'm sorry. It just slipped out. Just talk to me, please?" He pleaded, but the brunette still couldn't hear over the sound of his head.

Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt. Newt.

He sighed and turned his attention back to the road.

The brunette locked his gaze on the dashboard while he hugged his body wearing Minho's hoodie.
He was quiet, but his mind was screaming so loud like the previous buzz in his ears; this time it was Newt's name just being bounced back and forth in his skull. It echoed but instead of fading gradually, it only got louder and louder and louder and louder, and Thomas felt crazy like he'd completely lost his mind because of it.