Worth

27

"It's not that I don't trust her. I just don't trust him",I explained to Juan as we sat on the bleachers in the basketball court.
"Man i think Khia is a good girl. She not gonna do anything with that fool."
"I don't know man. I already caught her once cheating on me with him. Our relationship isn't as tight as it should be. I don't want to leave knowing that I don't have her on lockdown. At any given moment she can get back with that guy."
"You told me she said she love you so if she said that, that means she foreal about it. She ain't checkin for her ex. What if she does go back to him?"
"Then It's a wrap. I'll lay low on the relationship stuff for a lil bit and just play around",I said and we both laughed.
"I never knew you to be the type to be in relationships to be honest man."
"Why?",i asked raising a eyebrow.
"Cause You been playin these girls left and right."
"I guess."
"You don't seem like you love her tho."
"I do."
"Nah You like her a lot and you forcing yourself to love her but it ain't love."
He was right.
"We just ain't compatible with each other. That's the only thing",I said.
"Why? Cause she's black and your Dominican?"
"Man it's not even about the race thing. Everyone thinks it is but it ain't."
"So what is it?"
"I don't know how to explain it. We just ain't compatible with each other. You know how two people meet and it's like y'all was meant to be together? That ain't the case with us",I explained.
"Yea."
"I mean don't get me wrong. She is drop dead gorgeous but she just ain't for me. Maybe I wanted to be the one to repair her so bad."
"Damn So what you gonna do?"
"I don't know. If I break up with her, I'm gonna be the other nigga that broke her."
"Looks like you got decisions to make man",Juan said patting me on the back and going back to the court.

Khia
As I sat in my room, Instead of studying, or thinking about my boyfriend, I'm laid up thinking about trey. How he did me wrong. I been there for him through tough times and great times. I've been a great friend and could've been a great girlfriend. I gave this man all of me and he goes and used me up. Used me for my loyalty, for sex, for love. Everything I had, he took and now I feel like I'm empty which is weird because I have someone who's giving me the love & attention I been wanted from trey. How is someone in a relationship but feels so alone at the same time? When I'm around Santiago, I'm at peace, I'm somewhat happy. But when he's not with me, I feel like I'm alone. My emotions are unstable and it's driving me crazy. Maybe I moved on too fast, maybe I should've spent my time to myself and repair myself. Because now I feel like I'm just dragging Santiago along for the ride with no destination. I don't know what I'm really doing being in a relationship right now. I'm all types of confused. To make matters worse, I told tiago I love him. I don't know what possessed me to say that. My phone was blowing up and I knew it could only be one person calling because Santiago was in school today so couldn't have been him.
Then I received a text.

'Khia, it's me Trey. Come over I miss you.'
I tossed my phone on the other side of my bed and let it hit the floor. After a couple of minutes, I decided to actually go to trey's house. Not to get back with him, but to pour out my frustration on him cause all of this was his fault to begin with. I put on a pair of ripped jeans and white t-shirt, I tied my hair up in a bun and left my house. As I walked to his house, I just couldn't wait to face him and tell him off. Walking up to his house, I banged hard on the door. He came to the door half naked as usual. I rolled my eyes and closed the door behind me.
"Hey",he said coming up to hug me. I stopped him and pushed him back.
"I hate you. I f...in hate you. Your a conniving, lyin, cheatin, f.ckboy. I gave you all of me. I became vulnerable to you, I trusted your lyin dog behind. I told you from the get go that I didnt even want to entertain you because I'd already been through enough before I met you. But you convinced me and I trusted you so I gave in. My stupid self gave into you",I yelled. He looked at me and took everything I said in.
"Now look at me. I was already broken before, now I don't know what I am. I got into a relationship and everything and I don't even know why to be honest. I feel so lost, alone, hurt, used, played by you. I regret meeting you. I regret falling in love with you. I regret being your friend because even when I was your friend,you didn't claim me as that either. I'm walking around here saying your my best friend meanwhile your sitting back not saying anything. I'm sorry I was your next target. And oh congratulations because everything I thought you were, you turned out to be",I said clapping my hands.
He tried to step forward and I put my hands up.
"You come close to me, and I swear ima hurt you. I'll let you feel my pain foreal. Don't you dare. I can't believe I allowed you to play me like that. For 4 freakin years, my dude. I was doing fine before I met you, my relationship might not have been perfect but I was at peace with myself and now I can't find peace within myself anymore. For your age, I definitely thought you would've matured by now. 'Oh you played the game already so your over it' bullshit. 'My players days was in the past' yeah right. Nigga, it ain't your past if it's in your present. Your still out here playin games. I don't care how much you make, a hotshot lawyer, you still ain't sh.. to me",I said stepping close to him.
"All of you niggas ain't sh.t",I said punching him in the gut. He took it and I kept punching him because it felt good to hurt him. He held my fists and said, "I love you Khia."
"I hate you Trey. I f..kin hate you",I said and slapped him. He held the side of his face and kept saying he loves me. I slapped him on the other side of his face.
"How could you? Use me like that? Brainwashed me into being your f..ckin sidechick. I deserve better. I know I do. I deserve better than you",I yelled and cried at the same time.
"I'm sorry",he said over and over again.
"I'm sorry too. Let me go. I'm done with you",I said walking out and shutting his door hard. I ran to the nearest park with tears streaming down my face. I sat on a bench and cried for like hours buried my face in my hands. My heart hurt, my head hurt, everything hurts. I felt my eyes getting red and the sunlight burned my eyes so I kept it shut and I could hear a voice say 'I'm here. Your not alone. I will fix you. Trust in me'
I opened my eyes to see if anyone was around me and no one was. Was I hallucinating? 'Trust and know that I am God' I heard. I open my eyes again, and no one was next to me. I saw a cloud in the sky that looked like someone's face. Since the voice said it was God, I'm gonna believe it actually is him because I need help right now. I texted Santiago to come to the park I was at and he wasted no time in finding me. 15 mins later, I heard his car park in the parking lot screeching. He hopped out the car and got access to get inside. Soon as I saw him, I ran up to hug him. He looked at me and noticed my puffy eyes and redness of them.
"What happen babe?",he asked concerned.
"Long story. I'll tell you later...but I think I'm ready",I said.
"What? What are you ready for?"
"To accept God. I wanna go to church this Sunday. I need him. I'm a mess",I said wiping my eyes. He looked at me confused but smiled.
"Okay baby. I'll take you to church with me this Sunday",he said pulling me into a long hug that was much needed. I guess this is the first step to my healing.