Haywired

Chapter 18

Expectation

The board have approved of the design.

Unang araw na ng pag-construct ng FestiveParade. It's not like nagbubuhos na sila agad ng semento. The first day is more on drilling the ground to establish the foundation.

Dahil nga naka-dress ako at wedge mahirap humakbang. Hindi pantay ang lupa at hindi naman ako sobrang bihasa sa heels. Kailangan pa akong alalayan ni Jai.

Lucas was just watching us approach him. "Good morning, Mr. Salvaloza," bati kong may ngiti.

Imbes na ibalik sa akin ang bati ay pinuna niya agad ang suot ko. "You should have worn something you're comfortable with."

Ayaw niya ba sa suot ko?

"Naging komportable na ako rito," ani ko. "Pupunta na rin akong office kasama si Jai. We just checked kung okay na."

Tumikhim siya at tinalikuran ako. Oh, the gap between us is even wider now.

Matapos ng pag-check sa site ay sabay rin kaming umalis. Nang nasa loob ako ng sasakyan ni Jai ay pinanood ko ang pagpasok niya rin sa kanyang itim na Lambo.

Hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko doon hanggang sa lumiko ang kanyang sasakyan sa ibang direksyon at tuluyan nang nawala sa aking paningin.

Biglang napatikhim si Jai kaya nakuha niya agad ang atensyon ko.

"I want to renovate my house into something new. I want you to design it," he said firmly.

The light aura surrounding him seems to crumble down. The glow in his face seems to have been void by shadows. Kahit sa Italya pa ay nagsususpetsa na ako. Ayaw ko lang magtanong. Baka sabihin niyang nanghihimasok ako sa personal niyang buhay.

"Okay," iyon lang ang nasagot ko.

Maliban sa panibagong pinapagawa sa'king bahay ni Jai ay marami na rin ang pumunta sa akin bilang mga kliyente. I don't have anything to prove my own abilities yet but my designs are enough to convince my clients that I'm capable.

At tama nga si Dad, my designs are too costly that only high-class people can afford. My clients are mostly from a social elite.

May nagpapadisenyo ng building, ng bahay at iba pa. Mostly, bahay, though.

I have also learned to downgrade my designs. Hindi naman kasi palasyo ang ipapatayo, bahay naman. Mansion.

Ang mga disenyong hindi inaprubahan ni Lucas at ibinigay ko naman sa ibang interesadong kliyente.

In this life, I learned to be contented. I've always been contented of what I only have. Naging insecure ako pero hindi ako humiling na maging tulad ng mga taong kinainggitan ko. Natuto akong makontento na lamang. But right now, I felt a different kind of contentment. Iyung pagiging masaya. Iyung pagiging kontento dahil sa mga natamo mo. Pagiging kontentong walang halong insecurity. My passion is not just a mere hobby or a mere dream now. My passion is already something that I can be proud of.

Marami akong kahinaan pero mayroon naman akong kalakasan. We can't have everything but we can excel in some things.

"Newly-wed?" Tanong ko.

The girl looks blooming and in-love. The guy is same as well.

I know the feeling of falling in love and it's a nice feeling despite of the fact that it's unreciprocated. Pero, ano ang feeling ng nagmamahal at nasusuklian din 'yon ng mahal mo?

Is it overwhelming? Para bang lumilitaw ka sa ulap sa sobrang saya?

"Yes and we want to have a house," ani nung babae. "Base sa pinakita mo sa'king portfolio, you're impressive. Tama nga si Jairus!"

I smiled at them and we continued discussing on their plans and all that. Masayang ganito. Iyung marami kang nakakasalamuha. You may not please everyone but atleast you get to hear their side, their point-of-view.

"Parang hindi ka nawawalan ng idea, ma'am," ani nang interior designer naming si Georgette. I'm in a team. Kasama ko si Engineer Franco, Georgette at dalawa pa.

"Ruth." Napalingon kamin lahat sa papalapit na Jai. Muntik ko nang makalimutan na pupunta pala kami sa bahay niya ngayon. Syempre, kailangan ko munang i-check ang lugar upang makita kung ano'ng pwede kong magawa.

Of course, I wouldn't want to abolish the whole house. Kung ano ang estraktura niya ay gagawan ko na lang ng paraan.

Maka-moderno ang bahay niya na may isang circular pool. The colors used was neutral.

"Ikaw lang ang nakatira rito?" Tanong ko habang nakatingala sa mga palamuti sa loob ng kanyang bahay.

"Yes," matipid niyang sagot.

"Ang ganda kaya. Bakit gusto mong baguhin ang disenyo?" I don't really see the reason why. Maaliwalas. Ang homey nga ng dating eh.

"I just want to move on," he simply said.

He wants to move on. Kaya ba gusto niyang baguhin ang lahat ng nandito? Gusto niyang baguhin dahil ang bawat sulok ng bahay na'to ay nagpapaalala sa kanya ng kung sino mang gusto niyang kalimutan.

"May ka live-in ka ba?" Tanong ko. The moment I said that I just realized how insensitive I was.

He chuckled. "She won't live with me 'til we're married. Ang kaso ay umatras siya. She designed this house for us, you know."

Napahilig ako sa couch. Gusto ko na talaga kumpirmahin sa kanya. "Are you referring to Architect Aquina de Sylvia?"

He smiled bitterly and that confirmed it.

I think it's better to have unrequited feelings, huh? Atleast, kung alam mong hindi masusuklian ng gusto mo ang nararamdaman mo, hindi ka na aasa. Hindi ka na masasaktan.

I'm contented with what I feel for Luke. Alam ko ring hanggang kaibigan lamang ako. Hindi na ako aasa. Hindi na ako sobrang masasaktan.

Naaawa ako para kay Jai. I know he's struggling to put himself together. Kahit hindi ko man naranasan, ramdam kong nasaktan siya. He already hoped for their future. He might have expectations. Truely, expectation is the root of all heartache.

Hindi ko rin masisisi si Aqi. She wants to chase after her dream. She values her career, after everything she went through.

"Ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko?"

"Leave no traces of her design," he said.

Medyo mahirap yata 'to.

"I'll figure it out kung paano ko iibahin ang buong disenyo ng exterior without destroying its main frame," I said while moving my lips to think.

"I don't want to remember her," he added.

At this point of my life, I realized that behind Jai's bright smile, he's aching. He's concealing he's emotions. He acts like he's fine when actually he's not.

And at this point of my life, I just want to help him... Stay with him as a friend.

🏙️