To The Moon And Back | ON HOLD

01 | Alhena

E L L I E

You may fear spiders, heights, confined spaces and or hearing the words 'I love you' from a situation-ship you created to fill a void in your black empty heart in a moment of poor judgement. But I fear the sound of when a page turns more than death itself.

'Life was messy. Always had been and always would be and that was just the way it was, so why bother complaining? You either did something about it or you didn't, and then you lived with the choice you made.'

In my household, it's common knowledge that I lack a certain level of interest in all things novels. Frankly, they bore me to death despite how in-depth most of them can get or how utterly cheesy and romantic it may seem.

Novels aren't for me. However, the masterminds behind such work of art never seized to shine an abnormal amount of light onto my life. Take Nicholas Sparks for example, yes using him as my muse may have stooped beneath the bar of what is considered cliche but it's still the truth.

I have always believed in fairytale love stories; the handsome boy lingers in the backyard outside the main protagonist window, boombox in hand as Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper blares through the speakers.

That kind of love story.

I can watch the film adaptations of romantic novels, just not read them. Anyways, I went off on a tangent here, that isn't the point I'm trying to make. Nicholas Sparks, along with countless of my favourite authors (minus their actual work) has given me the motivation I needed to see the world through rose-coloured lenses rather than a black and white screen.

Yes. . .in actuality the world is all in black and white especially for someone like myself, but that doesn't mean I need to perceive it that way. My source of motivation is a collection of middle-aged men and women who probably haven't been through half of what I've endured in my seventeen years of living. Yet, I seek their wisdom on how to live life to the fullest despite how much time I might have left.

And I do it unapologetically.

Today, I have a choice to make. I either let my illness define who I am and rip away what little effort I have within me to continue living life or I do the complete opposite and I actually live. The latter has always been my choice from the day I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia at the age of seven.

According to @cancerresearchUK, ALL is; a type of blood cancer that starts from young white blood cells called lymphocytes in the bone marrow. Adults and children can get it but it is most often diagnosed in younger people. "Acute" means that leukemia can progress quickly, and ultimately lead to death. "Lymphocytic" means it develops from early forms of lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell.

Even at the age of seven with little to no understanding of what life and death meant, I still knew that if I weren't treated I would meet my maker. Yet! I still persevered. I was treated with chemotherapy and it was successful, at least we thought it was. I've been in remission for the last five years, such a long time right? There's no way my cancer could come back after so long.

Right?

Wrong.

Tell that to the symptoms which seemed to be making a grand reappearance these past few weeks. It's like I was shoved right back into the arms of death after already getting a taste of freedom. Did I want to go back into the clutches of utter darkness and doom? Come on, of course not. Who willingly wants to die from an illness!? But if that's my fate, I have no choice but to endure it.