ForthBeam - What is this?✅

1 - Tsk

This is not love. This is lust.

I remember this feeling. I could never forget. I'd thought I could die from the pain, and yet here I am, in this position, again. The pain this time wasn't as bad as the other time. I wish I was a forgetful drunk. Even that may not have helped because I'd been more lucid this time.

I took my eyes off the ceiling and turned to the man lying next to me. I couldn't help the anger boiling within me. Why would I do it with him again? What possessed me? We're barely friends and yet we've crossed a line that male friends usually don't, twice. I have crossed a line I usually don't. I did it with the same person, twice.

I carefully slid off the bed. We were clearly in his room; the stench of cigarettes was making me even more angry. How was I able to sleep in here? The room needs airing. But thank goodness it was his room. I'd hate to wake up to such a mess in my room and it would be hard to avoid talking to him.

I dressed as quickly as my stinging backside will let me. At least we had proper lubrication this time. Argh, what am I thinking? So, what if we used lube this time? I shouldn't be here at all, this is a mistake. One that can never happen again.

I let myself out, quietly. This is what the walk of shame must feel like, I couldn't lift my head up as I walked through the hallway and out of the dorm. I headed straight to the nearest taxi stand. Neither of us drove as we were both intoxicated. We came back to his place in a taxi and in a taxi, I shall leave.

After standing around for about ten minutes a taxi pulled over, I hopped in and gave the driver an address. The vehicle stopped in front of the club he and I had run into each other. I made my way to the parking lot after paying my fare.

I spotted my car right away and jumped in. I could finally take a deep breath. I banged my head on the steering wheel as I cursed at myself for being stupid. How could I have let myself get carried away? How could I show him such a vulnerable side of me? Fucking shiaa.

I hope he doesn't come running to me, treating me like a pregnant woman again. I'll bash his face in. While I may not succeed, I'll still give it a try. For the first few days after our first time, he was unbearable enough. True, I was in unbearable pain, but he only made it worse by acting the way he did, following me around and asking if I'm okay. Constantly calling and texting to check on me, stalking me on social media.

I drove to my dorm after I'd calmed down enough. I got into the shower and scrubbed my skin, hard, hoping to rid it of my misdeeds. I wanted to wash off every kiss, every touch. I wanted to rid myself of last night. I tried to rid myself of last night.

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My first ForthBeam ff.