Lucian-Catch me If I fall

Chapter -41- My Trauma

Lucy'Pov

"I don't remember everything, but the part I do remember I wish I could forget"

"It's Okay Lucy, I'm here for you and I only want to support you, but for me to do that I need to know what happened..Okay?"Ian was holding my hands In his as he reassured me everything was okay and I believed him....No matter what happened in the past I had to move on and the first step would be telling Ian

"okay" I took a deep breath as I thought about what I would say before I began to speak.

"the night I didn't come home, I was stressed and annoyed, at myself ...and at you"

"why?"He sent me a questioning look as he was recalling that moment too

"At that moment you were trying to help me and I know you were trying to do the best thing you could, but I felt trapped.You were making sure that I didn't hurt myself and you were just trying to protect me and I know that now, however, I didn't know that then" 

"Lucy, I'm so sorry that you felt that way, but I didn't know what to do"Ian looked saddened and I began to feel bad for him because The only thing he did was protect me therfore he shouldn't feel guilty.

"Ian, it's okay, I know that you only wanted the best for me, Instead of going home I decided to stop at a small bar, I ended up spending most of my night there, consuming several drinks and as you know I was never good with alcohol therfore I had no control over what I did"

I paused for a moment.It always hurt to know that all these small little innocent things built up into the most devastating and desperate part of my life?A single drink less could have led my life in a different direction but at that moment I didn't know.

"lucy....what happened next?"

"he was there too, I was drunk and desperate therfore when he approached me I didn't stop him, Ian I didn't know what would happen, I had no idea..."I felt so guilty telling Ian this...I had cheated on him with a heartless man...At that time I felt so dirty and stained.My tears began to fall again.

"Shhh, baby it's all okay, that is the past, tell me what happened please, I want to know luc "

"I slept with him...willingly for the first time, but that doesn't mean it was the last the last time."

"lucy....what did he do to you?"

"he...he raped me, forced himself upon me.I tried to scream and I tried to shout hoping that maybe someone would hear me but that only made it worst.I was trapped, contained in a dark room with him...I was there for two weeks

I began recalling the images.I was trapped in a room with him, he used me as he pleased and every single time I called for help he would do anything he could to keep me quiet and when the pain in my body became too much for me and my cries for help became to much for  him He could send me into darkness.I still remember the feeling of his hand around my neck slowly reducing my air supply until I was out cold left alone in the room until he wanted me again.

he had no limits, to him, everything was fair play, he bruised, beet and tore my body apart in every single way possible and the only time he ever stopped was....never.It kept happening and I slowly began to lose all sense of time.For my own sake, I thought there was no point in me fighting anymore so I gave up, instead of provoking him I let him do as he pleased.

I thought it would make it better, but it didn't he kept hurting me.Every single blow made the pain unbearable and my body began to shut down.My skin was so tender and inflamed that I couldn't move, but he still continued.

whenever he left the room I would lay there as he had left me as I had no willpower left in me and I couldn't move, even if I tried.I was so weak and powerless that I couldn't do anything...at that point, i couldn't even cry as all my tears had dried out.I thought I was going to die there, all alone and no one would even know.

Before I woke up in the hospital I remember one thing, just before he walked in the room the last time I saw him I heard him talking to someone.I was half conscious and my head was pounding so hard that my whole tensed at any noise.They were arguing, I don't know about what but I would assume It was about me because as he entered the room, bursting through the door he said "bye" and with all his force he slammed me to the floor where I fell conscience.

Waking up in the hospital one of the first things I was told was that I was pregnant, after having spent so much time with him, where he did as he pleased I assumed the child would be his.He didn't care about the consequences of his actions even if they lead to a child.

I felt trapped once again and I no longer felt safe here, I needed to protect myself and the baby as that was my final hope.I had lost everything at that moment, I had lost myself, I walked away from my job and I walked away from you.I had no reason to keep living and I was ready to let go however I had a child.

The thought of being a mother kept me alive and kept my heart beating when the times got hard.I moved away to a place I knew he would never find me and I began to live a normal life...as normal as it can be after you go through something so traumatic.It was hard and there were days I thought I wasn't going to make it...But I did...I have grace...I have you"

Ian and I were both crying, he had wrapped me in his arms were I wrapped myself in his arms...Everything within me hurt so much, I never healed all the way especially in a mental sense but I felt like I soon would.With Ian's support, everythign would be possible.

"Lucy...I wish I would have known....I wish I could have helped you.I wasn't there then and I let you walk out of my life, however, I am here now and I am never letting you go again.I love you and nothing you just said changes that.I.Love.You."

I burst into even more tears, however, this time I was crying from happiness, I haven't felt this loved in such a long time and Knowing that I was no longer alone made everything a lot better.No longer was all the weight placed over me,Now I had Ian here for me and he would never leave.

"I love you too Ian"

I don't know what to say...Maybe now that the past is behind them they can move on, together as one, starting their new life with their family, Ian, Lucy and grace.Please vote and comment and thank you to every single person who reads this story the support is amazing

  thank you for reading Torielanna