Toys For The Big Boys ✓

(14) Wrong Side

💋 

    "I like you", I blurted out.

    Julien froze like a statue. Seconds later he started to blush even more.

    When it was clear that he was too shocked to even say anything, I continued, "I like you, not because you can do such naughty things. I like you, not because you've tolerated me. I like you, Mr. Julien Choi...because you're the only person...who has made me feel like I'm important."

     Julien looks at me, his eyes suddenly teary like he was inches away from crying, "You're crazy...why are you saying this right after I blew you?!" he angrily asked me, making me laugh on how cute that fucking sounded.

     "Then I take it back", I jokingly told him.

    "No!" he suddenly shouts.

    He quickly wipes his eyes and said, "I like you too you asshole. I wouldn't do all this...if I didn't."

    I don't know why but I thought my heart would explode when he said those words to me. I was actually preparing myself for his rejection that I didn't know how to react if he actually didn't reject me.

     "I like you", he says again when he noticed that I haven't even said anything yet.

     When everything has finally sinked in, I started laughing.

     Julien looked at me confusingly. When I finally got my composure back, I looked at him straight in the eyes and said, "I'm so happy I can fucking hug you."

    "Then go ahead and do it", he suddenly says, making me stop smiling.

     I take a deep breath and looked at him apologetically, "You know that..."

     "You can't touch me", he quickly says.

     He looks out the window and continues, "I know."

     "Look, Julien I-"

    Julien quickly cuts me off as he looks back at me, "You don't have to explain yourself because I understand Rome. Its just...I'm sorry if I'm being too selfish, I'm sorry if I'm too greedy, and I'm sorry that..."

     Julien paused. But the pause was too long that it was starting to worry me, "Sorry about what Julien?" I asked.

     Julien looks away. He bites his lower lip and finally continues, "That the feelings we both have now...can only be up till here."

    My heart almost dropped. But somehow, a part of me knew that this was how it was going to end either way.

    "I'm glad that you like me, because goddamn it...you make me so happy, and no one in this fucking world has ever said those words so sweetly to me. But...look at me Rome", Julien suddenly says with a pained expression, causing my chest to suddenly hurt.

      I moved closer and looked straight at Julien's jet-black eyes.

     "I am looking at you", I answered back, and at that moment, tears poured out of Julien's eyes.

     "I'm a person who has been used by hundreds of men, someone as dirty as that doesn't deserve you", he says as tears continued to pour out of his eyes.

     "Do you think I don't know that? Julien I've seen you from the beginning, but look, I'm still fucking crazy about you. I've done so much for you in such a short amount of time compared to the people I've been with for years", I tried to explain to him.

     Julien suddenly turns around and goes to the window.

     Without looking at me anymore, he says, "You don't know what I've been through Rome. You don't know how stained I am, how broken, how used. What I am now...is not capable of holding onto someone for a long amount of time."