the haunted dollhouse

chapton 1 Pins and needles in my heart

it was a snowy Febuary. I went tired out of my house. it would be a rough day but at least I wear my favorite chlotes. behind my black jacket I wore a Hoody in grey and black and I also wore like always black Pants. I was getting in my Way to my Tram station in a foggy weather. it was snowing and through the fog I don't see anything but white. but since I was in my childhood in this place I don't need to worrying about. I knew the way I was going all the time. I was keep going while I listened in my Music's songs. I was so deeply tranced in this song's I hear. Especially if it suits me. "Morgenstern" from the song Rammstein Appeared out of my phone I heard. I like this song, even if it pulls me down again.

I always had the thought I was ugly... but I will come to this back later. Here I was. at the tram station. I sighed and looked at the way. The Tram already arrived and I got inside on it. I took a Place on them and looked out of the Window. White... Just white.... All the 20 Minutes I had to ride on the tram... just white. After the Time the speech out of the Machine yelled my station where I shall get out and I got out of the tram. after looking around for people I started to be annoyed. Some of my classmates where in the same tram as me. but these one did not bothered me at all. it was a dog who did. Caramell brown fur with darker hair and Icy blue eyes where he could look deep in your soul. his Name was jörn. and besides this dog there was a vixen. Her fur was beautifully orange with brown hair and the eyes was a dark blue-green color. the Fox girl named Franziska and these both. they where together... even if it did not suited.

I walked slowly so both don't notice me. I had feelings about Jörn but these feelings got replaceed by hatred and so much disappointment on him. since the Middleschool started for me I had these feelings because we both was the only ones who wanted to do the Middle school Exam. but he had to fall for the fox. a pair wich did not suited at all. //what she got that I did not have// I thought. but then I realized it. she was so much prettier then me. and she was also a canine as my ex crush. since jörn was falling for her he was so rude to me... did he ever loved me? or did he had the same feeling as me? did he ever cared about me? these questions I always asked myself. I arrived in the school and ran into our classroom.

first was Math. oh gee I hate math. and this right at the morning. yippie. it was awkward for me that I am the bad one in math. at least I was good in english. but no. Jörn had to open his big dog mouth to awnser the sheets and did not left the other students speak. dafug he is so annoying. I did not thought about what I said and I started to yell "SHUT UP JÖRN!!!! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH" the dog was looking at me " what the hell?" he asked and tilted his head "JUST SHUT YOUR CANINE MOUTH!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOURE BARKING!!! YOU JUST THINK YOU ARE THAT CLEVER BUT YOU AREN'T!!!" l hissed "well at least I am more intelligent then you braindead" the dog contoured "NOBODY JUST GIVE A SHIT HOW FUCKING CLEVER YOU WANT TO BE!!!" I yelled. the teacher bagged me to be quiet. I denied it and so I ran out of the class. this school was free and democratic that means I am free to come in each themes I want. so there was no matter what I skipped. but still. there I was about to finish High school it was just a stupid act of me I admit it. but I rather wanna skip one theme when this stinky dog just ruins every class. I wonder right now why I was falling for him. he wasn't nice to me and so many people at all.

so I wasted my time for math for doing my favorite thing. Drawing. I took my sketchbook and my pencils and began to draw. I began with circles and lines. some few figures came out of my Pencil's I was planning to draw my own "Wonderland". a world where I could feel save. I drew myself with other people with the same Species as I. Chameleons. like a family but bigger. much bigger. I drew one of them bigger then the other chameleons. I wish I was in this world. these Chameleons was my Guardians and this was not the first Time I drew. I drew them really often and they had own personality's. I was so deep in my drawings, that the sound of the squeaking open door scared me. the students out of my class ran out. In panic I ran into another room so Jörn wouldn't get me I didn't made myself popular for my act but he doesn't deserve another kind of conversation of me... I am a odd person I know but... when people hurt me, I wasn't that able to forget about it. not only this. I would get really angry and really pissy to see the person and I am simply insulting them just to show them my anger and pain. Jörn hurted me just so much,as he came with another girl but me. //something at the summertime's might happened that he was falling this much for that girl// I thought.

it was psycally paining me. like so many pins and needles stabbed my Heart. I was keep drawing and forgetting the Time. Some Students out of my class came "hey, what was that for a act from you?" the one asked. it was a Bulldog. I was looking at him "he is just a ass!" I said "well you are not better! " the other one said. that one was a golden retriever. the other dog went away from me "you better should behave or you will get it hardly back" the Bulldog said and left either. I never thought about that. I always will be salty to Jörn. and it won't change at all. I wasn't that popular anyway so why I would be a doormat?

no one would ever care about me as I thought that he would. I was wrong. the other students where such bullies. the girls did not cared at all but the boys just thought I was incompetent. and after franziska made some with the boys she also was that mean to me... but at least just if I commented at jörn. I wish my three friends where still here. then the stuff did not happened at all. I might have done something with some other girls I was really close. but they had to befriend with these boys where they where bullying me. and so long holding a friendship I somehow can't do it. maybe because of myself or because of the people who doesn't liked me at all.because of all this I became such... deep.... deep down in a hole of self pity and so much hatred of the socialism today.

I got some foot parts thrown around. the bullys finally start to throw some stuff at me. was I this down? I knew it was a rough day. but that it would be so embarrassing I did not thought at the first place. but now I realized. //oh no it was all the time dinner time! // thats why they threw food at me. but I don't had appetite. so I went out of school at the tram station. and what a surprise. jörn had to stand on the same time as me. of course he had to come right at me "listen here you piece of a cunt! just to let you know that you are such a awkward little reptile. you can't do anything right and that is why you don't get a boyfriend! you are just a stupid little bitch!" I did not awnsered at all " so this is what I get? at class you shouted out nobody cares about the stuff of math I am right? I will be carefully to you... nobody cares about you! you are such a morningstar. Nobody will ever notice to you" the dog barked "SHUT UP" I yelled. I snapped him with my Tail. I was about to cry as I hit him with my tail "LISTEN HERE YOU FLEA CARPET!!! I HAD FEELINGS ABOUT YOU BUT YOU DID NOT EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!!! I tried to fight more until my last beath just to see if you feel anything about me but it did not worth at all... you did not cared about my feelings didn't you? " after the words I said the dog became silent "oh right I have forgot. you have a thing for her! so you can go ahead by her instead of staling on me!" I cried and ran away. Jörn wanted to run after me. but I hit him again "JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" I yelled and ran away. I did not ran the usually way. I ran in a way where it leaded me out of my tram station into a wood.

sooner or later I fell from a Root down in a Hole.