Writing one shots & prompts

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○"Yes Ma'am I am so sorry. I didn't think my decision would cause so many problems. I didn't mean to kill your son."
"Well. You'll be his replacement, okay? You'll be my next son."
"Uhhhhhhh......"
"Go do the dishes, son"

○"Well there was a teeny tiny accident and......"
"Just spit it out"
"Your brother was accidentally turned into a donkey when he tried to steal our transformation ray. Would you like to see him? He's out in the front yard"

○"Dude that is literally the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Let's do it"

○ "I've kind of started a cult. But without the blood sacrifices and chanting and stuff."
"So you started a club?"
"Don't be rude. It's a cult."
"Uhh......"

○"Why don't you just pull up a chair when you get here? It's no big deal."
"I have my own."
"You brought your own chair?!"
"I always have my own chair. I'm in a wheelchair."

○"I caught your boyfriend cheating on you with my best friend at a party."
"I know that already. It was my party."

○"What's that dropping noise coming from the ceiling?"
"Blood."
"DAMMIT NOT AGAIN!!"

○"She's perfect. There always seems to be light shining on her. Always a spotlight.
"Uh. Dude? She's a reverse vampire. She'll die in the dark."

○"You're the new monarch. Congratulations!"
"But the queen is still alive..?"
"Haha. Yes she is. I mean the next monarch butterfly."

○"So you're telling me that every time you make eye contact with someone you switch into their body?"
"Yes."
"Look me in the eye and tell me that."
"You're so dumb."

○"I love you with all my heart!!"
"You physically don't have a heart. Remember? You had to have it removed..."
"Yes. I do remember. You're constantly reminding me of that fact. I'm trying to tell you that I'm breaking up with you.

○"You're telling me that you swapped an article of clothing from our closets every day for two years so you could borrow my belt?"
"It's a nice belt."
"I hate you."

○"I'm so sorry for your loss."
"HOW COULD YOU?!"
"It was an accident!! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bump you!"
"You have to go tell the family."

○"How are you fine?! Your girlfriend has been missing for two weeks!"
"I'm fine because I kidnapped her. She needed a break from work and her boss wouldn't give her time off. I'm sending him a ransom note tomorrow. Want to see her? She's downstairs"