Liar, Liar

Chapter 21 - Confessions

"It does, doesn't it?" My voice fades out at the end and I just stay silent, taking a sip of my coffee. When my eyes flicker over to Adam, he is looking down, tapping his finger on his coffee cup absentmindedly. "It was the first time we hung out. I was really nervous."

He smiles amusedly and peeks up at me through his eyelashes. "I know." I am about to almost be offended when he adds, "I was too."

It feels like my heart is glowing when he says that. "Really?" I ask incredulously, then furrow my brows. "Why?"

Color rises to his face and his cheeks are a light shade of pink when he says, "I might've, for the shortest period, have had a teeny, weeny, itsy, bitsy...crush on you."

My jaw slacks and I realize he is actually quoting me from our first morning together. "What?" I exclaim lowly. "When?"

Adam takes a sip of his coffee, hisses when he burns his tongue and clears his throat. "Remember when we shared a class Freshman year of college?" he asks and I nod vaguely. "I sat right behind you, I'm not sure if you remember that, but I thought you were really pretty so I sat there purposefully. However, I never had the balls to ask you out."

I blink for a few seconds before my mind catches up. "Are you fucking with me?" I demand. My mind is screaming in frustration. He liked me back? Three years ago, Adam had a crush on me and I, him, but since both of us were cowards, nothing ever happened? Because I just couldn't get over myself, Ashley got to him first and it ended up with us sitting in front of a coffee table, me heartbroken and him...I don't even know.

He shakes his head carefully, not dropping eye contact with me. "But I love Ashley and I'm marrying her."

If I would have looked down now, there would have been a dagger sticking out of my chest. My shirt would have been blood stained and my heart ripped. The pain spreads through my body like flames, consuming my every limb; my every muscle; every cell in my body. The small sliver of hope that had blossomed after his confession plummeted straight down like a parachute jumper without his parachute.

I think back to the first time I ever saw Adam. I was sorting out my things on my desk when I heard a ruckus by the door. A girl had dropped her books to the floor and in came Adam. He helped her pick them up. It seems so cliché, but for me that was enough to initiate a three year long crush that never seems to fade away.

"What was it that you wanted to say yesterday?" Adam asks when he realizes that I'm not going to say anything.

I try to collect myself as much as I can. The trivialities from before have ran away, taking all the happiness with them. All my thoughts feel jumbled and I am having a hard time separating all the horrible things I want to scream in Adam's face from what I should say.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I admit, leaning back in my chair. And it doesn't. I realize now that it is too late. There is nothing I can do because Ashley and Adam are getting married and I still love him. My heart is falling a thousand miles an hour into thorns and spikes – hurt and loneliness. They will live a happy life while I will break up with the best guy I could ever find, just because I'm an idiot who can't stop pining after a guy who is taken by none other than my own best friend.

"What do you mean?" Adam insists. "You came all the way to my apartment yesterday to say it. It's got to be something important."

I clench my jaw and narrow my eyes at him. "I said it doesn't matter." Then I stand up and grab my jacket. "Have a good life."

I leap for the door, but Adam grabs my arm. He always does. He always stops me right before he has lost me, reels me in again like a hooked fish and I can't do anything to stop him.