Brutally Honest Reviews™

Soul Remains (N)

-But anyway, most of all, I like the dynamic between the demon and Koel. There is so much characterization done here throughout their meeting and I am actually intrigued to see how his relationship evolves and grows? What the fuck...

-Koel. He seems like a product of circumstance and is perhaps trying to survive in an uncaring world, also he's an innocent gremlin so...that's nice. 

*Exhales*

-These are compliments if it is not obvious. *Holds chest in pain*

-UPDATE: Turns out Koel is not the innocent gremlin he is previously introduced as, which is highly appreciated, and there's also an interesting tidbit regarding the (partial) reality of altruism that I don't see much of here. Fucking refreshing, huh? Color me impressed!

Dialogue:

-The dialogue is strong, realistic, and pretty entertaining to read. Hooray!

Grammar/Punctuation issues:

-I haven't seen any glaring mistakes. *Shrugs*

Inconsistencies (if any):

-Why is the demon attached to a damn knife out of all things? That is so stupid? Well, I guess it's just as stupid as getting attached to a lamp. I made no point.

-How exactly did the demon's master show cruelty to him? From his wishes alone he seems to have been an old dying man trying to make things right, seek forgiveness, and say his goodbyes to loved ones? To which the demon gave him NONE of these wishes and watched him DIE of his sickness instead?! So exactly what did he force him to do if he had the willpower to NOT grant him even one wish? This should not be unclear to the reader. Did he make him eat the roaches around his house? Suck his dick? Go to church? 

-Its mentioned later that the old master coerced him to do things he didn't want to do, but what I'm whining about here is how much freewill does the demon have, truly. This needs to be known so the audience can get a sense of his possible powerlessness, an insight into his perspective and situation, and an overall understanding. Six chapters in and it still hasn't been made clear. Spoiler alert, I'm trash so I read for that long. (-3) 

-The master's cruelty needs to be made specific or the readers will distract themselves from the story and briefly ponder about what the master did that is so bad besides being a dude who found a genie lamp, I mean a demon knife, and trying to get some wishes out of it before quitting. Readers will instantly side with humans if there is no reason not to. (-1)

-Like, what is the purpose of the author here? Are we suppose to not like the demon (assuming that he's our permanent narrator, so we're stuck with him)? Is he the protagonist or the antagonist? Which one does the author want the readers to buy into? Both, neither, one of them? How are we suppose to take him seriously? What exactly is his plan not giving at least one wish to his master? He's not going to be anymore freer than before? Shouldn't his master have a reason to free him? People don't have high opinions of demons, he isn't helping himself. At the rate he is going, he's never going to be set free by being a piece of shit! Aren't demons suppose to be cunning and not petty teens trying to rebel with no set plan in place? (-3)

-Other questions: Sure, it's a demon, so he wouldn't have any empathy I assume but I think it's a bit weird that he somehow is going to like this kid enough to stick around and not screw him in the ass. Is the author telling the readers that Koel is actually an evil fuck that the demon or going to favor for that reason? My advice is to not make this clear reality not possible from what the readers are introduced to from the get go. Since the blurb ruins the suspense of the general outcome of this relationship, the prose and dialogue shouldn't be acting as if the audience doesn't know about the obvious. It is weird and unnecessary. (-3)